You Still Have All of Me
by Silverstar03
Summary: Leo has left to become an Elder, and with him gone Piper sinks into a depression. Can she be saved? LAST CHAPTER UP!
1. Sinking

You Still Have All of Me

Part 1

By: Silverstar

Hi everyone. I just started writing this fic one day after listening to the Evanescence CD. It takes place after Leo leaves to become an Elder, but in this version he didn't do anything to Piper's memory. I hope you all enjoy

And while you're at it, please go read my other fic _Angel_. It's a short Piper/Leo fic dealing with the death of Prue. It's only one chapter though, so I only got two reviews on it when I first uploaded it. Please go and see how you like it. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed.

~~~~~

I woke with a start, panting heavily to myself as I breathed in as much air as possible. Sweat was pouring down my forehead as my eyes popped open and I looked around my room in a hurry. That's right...I was in my room...my bed...my home. Sighing to myself, I starred at the ceiling for a moment, attempting to anchor myself into the real world...It was dark and the only light in the room was coming from the moon shining through my bedroom window. Glancing over, I grimaced at the cold and empty place next to me. Of course...I was back...and he was gone. He was gone for good and there was nothing I could do or say to change that fact. I laid there for a few minutes, catching my breath and trying to recall my dream. I couldn't remember what had happened...but my body shook with fear and anguish. I strong sense of loneliness and worthlessness also washed over me as an after effect of the nightmare. Shivering as these feelings went through me, I wiped the sweat away from my brow with my right arm and sat up. I wasn't going to get back to sleep any time soon. The clock read 2 AM, but that didn't matter. Time had no relevance to me these days...everything just blurred together. I slipped out of bed quietly, placing my cold and bare feet on the icy cold ground ahead of me. The sharp iciness revealed to me that this was real...not a dream. It also gave me something else to concentrate on then what was going on in my head. 

"Cold," I whispered to myself as I shivered, my arms wrapped around myself, and I slowly walked towards the other side of my room. There laid Wyatt...He was sleeping peacefully in his crib, snuggled down in his cozy blue blanket. He was so adorable...no matter how terrible I felt, the sight of my little boy always made me feel a little better. He reminded me of what I had...but also, of what could be: The future. His innocence and curiosity made me smile while his laugh and steady gaze made me forget about everything around me but him. My little boy...I smiled at Wyatt as he turned slightly in his sleep and watched his even breathing. 

"How come you always have a calming effect on me, huh Wyatt?" I whispered to him as I carefully picked him up with his blanket around him and held him close, rocking him gently. He immediately shifted into a position where he was snuggled closely right next to my body. He cooed softly in his sleep as I rocked him in rhythm with my steps and headed over towards my bed. Looking down at it, I stopped suddenly and took a deep breath. No...I couldn't go back there...back where my husband no longer laid...back where my dreams would attack me again. I came to my senses as Wyatt started shifting, fussing unconsciously in protest of his mother stopping. I immediately began walking again, but this time in the opposite direction of my bed...of our bed...the place where Wyatt first came into existence...the sweet innocent being I was holding in my arms. He settled down at my motion, and I walked him slowly out into the hallway and down the staircase. This was the fourth night this week (it being Friday morning) that I had retreated downstairs, not able to stay in the room that I had once shared with Him. Humming lightly at Wyatt, I settled down onto the couch, snuggling him into my arms for warmth and watching him sleep. I could sit there and watch him sleep forever...his whole essence captivated me and I loved him even more for it.

"I love you Wyatt," I whispered down at him as I kissed his head gently and then fell into a light, yet slightly peaceful sleep.

~~~~~

"Piper...Piper..."

"Leo...?" I whispered, opening my groggy eyes and staring up with expectation. I sighed to myself when what I saw wasn't my husband. "No honey, it's me," Paige said softly. She was bending over me with her hand on my shoulder, and as I woke up she crouched down next to the couch.

"Oh, Hi," I said, disappointment and confusion evident in my features as I sat up, being careful not to move too suddenly so I wouldn't wake Wyatt.

"Here, let me take him upstairs," Paige said, holding her hands out for him, but I shook my head and held him closer.

"No, I'll take him," I said, and I smiled at Paige as she helped me to my feet and I headed upstairs. Walking into my room, I hummed down at Wyatt as I gently set him in his crib and tucked his blanket around him. The clock read 8:30 AM. I sighed to myself as I walked over to make my large and empty bed. "So...another day starts," I said to myself as I pulled all of the sheets up.

"Yeah...it does." Jumping at the sound of a voice, I turned around to see Paige standing in the doorway to my room.

"Oh, Paige, you surprised me," I said, trying to explain my sudden movement.

"And you surprised me too," Paige said softly. I looked at her, perplexed for a moment.

"You mean...how I was downstairs..." I said slowly, and she nodded as she walked into my room and sat down on the edge of my freshly made bed. "Oh, it's nothing Paige. I just couldn't sleep, that's all."

"Couldn't sleep..." Paige repeated to herself, and I nodded.

"Please, don't make a big deal out of it," I insisted, grabbing her hands with mine and pulling her up.

"Piper...I'm just concerned..." Paige said, smiling gently at me, and I smiled back.

"I know...I know..." I replied as a feeling of sorrow and grief came over me...Paige saw my expression, but in a flash the feelings had passed and I shook my head, smiling up at her in her heels. "So, where are you off to today?" I asked, trying to change the subject as I walked over to rummage through my closet.

"Oh...Uh, just another temp job," she replied and I nodded.

"Good luck with that. Hey, I'll be down in a minute to make you breakfast," I said as I pulled out a pair of jeans and a blouse from my closet.

"No, it's okay Piper. They want me there early today to learn all the rules and whatnot. I'll be home later today."

"Oh...okay, have a good day," I told her, turning to face my littlest sister and giving her the biggest smile I could muster.

"Piper..." I jumped in surprise to find Paige's arms around me a second later as she pulled me into a hug.

"Paige..." I whispered, shocked and touched at the same time.

"You know that Phoebe and I love you very much, right?" Paige asked, and I smiled gently as I lifted my arms and placed the lightly on her back. 

"Oh course. I love you guys too," I replied, and a moment later Paige had pulled away.

"Good. Then...I'll see you later tonight?" I nodded at my sister as she smiled at me and then she was out the door, gone. Not knowing what to make of her strange behavior, I grabbed my clothes and the baby monitor as I headed for the shower.

Upon hearing Wyatt start to fuss, I ended my hot shower quickly and got dressed as I brushed my teeth and combed out my hair. Five minutes later I was rushing to his side.

"Oh you little faker," I said, picking up my now quiet and wide-eyed boy. "You just wanted me to rush in here, didn't you?" Wyatt giggled in response, and I smiled, twirling him around in a circle so he laughed. "Come on, sit here patiently while I dry my hair, okay?" Setting Wyatt down, I gave him a kiss on the head and walked into the bathroom to dry my hair. Ten minutes later I walked into the room to see that he'd pulled himself up with the crib bars so that he was standing, waiting there for me. "Okay, okay, I'm here," I said, picking up my boy and taking him to his changing table. After changing his diaper I dressed him in the cute little jean overalls that Phoebe had bought for him and combed his light hair. The whole time his bright observing eyes were staring up at me, just watching. "Who are you looking at?" I joked, tickling him under the chin, and he smiled in response. "Come on, let's go downstairs." Picking up my boy, I walked out of our room and down the stairs. Upon entering the kitchen I found Phoebe already sitting at the table, drinking some coffee and jotting down some notes for her column in a notepad.

"Good morning," she said, looking up as I entered and giving me a smile.

"Good morning," I replied, setting Wyatt down in his high chair and walking over to the refrigerator to get his baby food out. Fumbling with the lid, I twisted as hard as I could to open the jar of apple-flavored baby food. But...upon seeing the jar in my hand I was overcome with a wave of anxiety and panic. 

"Here...let me help," Phoebe said gently, and I looked up to see that she was standing next to me. She reached out to take the jar from my hands and opened it for me, setting it down on the counter. "Piper...Your hands are shaking!" she said with worry, and I looked down to see that indeed they were.

"Oh..." was all I said before Phoebe ushered me over to the table and sat me down.

"Piper...just sit here for a moment while I feed Wyatt, okay?" she told me, and I just nodded as I watched her feed my son. While Phoebe tended to Wyatt, I looked down at my hands, which were still shaking. I felt the fear and anxiety that had welled up inside of me...but what had triggered those feelings? I didn't know, but I felt them consuming me, just as the flash of sorrow and grief had hit me earlier. Taking some deep breaths, I watched my shaking hands for a few minutes before they slowed, and eventually ceased to shake. The wave of anxiety and panic had washed over me, and was now gone. I felt regular again...At least, as regular as I ever felt. "Piper..." Looking up, I saw Phoebe standing in front of me. She had finished with Wyatt and he was now in his playpen in the sunroom. I hadn't even noticed...

"Oh, sorry Phoebe," I finally said, when I realized she was waiting for me to speak. "Sometimes I just..." Shaking my head, I stood up, trying to come to my senses. What was happening to me...

"Piper...Come here," Phoebe said, taking my hand and leading me into the living room and over to the couch. I sat down with a sigh, remembering my long night on the same very couch. "Piper...Are you all right? What's going on with you?" Phoebe asked, and I looked over at her with an attempted smile.

"What's with you and Paige asking me that?" I replied, taking Phoebe's hands with mine. "I'm fine. I...I sometimes just have rough times...but that's normal. Don't worry about me Phoebe. Trust me...You don't have to. Okay?" I squeezed Phoebe's hands gently and smiled over at her, receiving a smile in return.

"Okay, if you say so," Phoebe said, her voice still sounding wary. "I have to get to work, but I'm coming home on my lunch break, okay?" I nodded at my sister and received her kiss before she got up and headed into the kitchen to retrieve her laptop and papers. "I'll see you at lunch!" she called as she grabbed her jacket and purse and headed out the door. Sighing to myself, I got up and walked into the sunroom. Wyatt was in his playpen, sitting with his back to the bars and holding a dinosaur animal in his hand. 

"Poor thing," I said to myself, referring to the dinosaur that Wyatt was banging repeatedly on the ground. Shaking my head, I gave Wyatt a kiss and walked into the kitchen to pour myself some coffee. For some reason, my nerves were always on edge lately. Grabbing myself a mug, I poured some coffee for my self and added milk and sugar. Then, grabbing the paper, I brought my coffee into the sunroom and sat at the table. Drinking the soothing hot liquid while reading the paper, I kept an eye on Wyatt. He played quietly for an hour while I finished up the paper...but I found myself having a hard time concentrating on the columns that I usually read. My mind kept wandering...wandering...wandering to nothing in particular...nothing focused...nothing important...but wandering. When Wyatt started fussing I put the paper down and picked him up as I walked into the kitchen to rinse out my mug and put it in the dishwasher. 

"Okay honey, it's all right," I cooed to Wyatt as I rocked him around the kitchen and started fixing him a bottle. When it was done I walked him over to a chair and sat down, holding him in my lap. "Here we are," I said softly to him as I fed him the bottle. When he was finished I laughed at his huge smile and picked him up, twirling him around slowly before setting his bottle in the sink. "Come on little guy," I said, taking him into the sunroom and setting him in his playpen. He immediately sat down and started banging his dinosaur again, and I laughed at him. Wow...it felt good to laugh. "Thanks Wyatt," I said, patting him on the head before going into the kitchen to grab some folders and papers from the club. Locating a pen and a calculator, I walked back into the sunroom and sat down at the table to work. Wyatt just laughed to himself and played quietly as I hummed over to him from my place working at the table. I was almost through my work when my eyelids started to close and I rested my head on my arms, leaning onto the table. My motivation to finish the club's books diminished as a lazy, indifferent, hollow feeling washed over me. Sighing to myself yet again, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift off to sleep...

"Leo....Leo..." I mumbled, fumbling in the dark trying to reach him. There...there...I saw a figure move before me in the darkness, but...but...My eyes teared as I fell to the ground and started to cry. I'd never reach him...I'd never be held in his arms again. As I sat there, crying in my dark void, the floor beneath me started to shake, and then it collapsed. I fell...fell...and fell further into oblivion as the darkness surrounded me and the wind blew through my hair.

"Wahhhhhhh!" My eyes jolted open as I heard a wailing. Scattered and confused, I sat up and saw that I had fallen asleep next to my work. Wet...my cheeks were wet. I really had been crying. Crying...Someone was crying. Turning, I saw Wyatt sitting in his playpen wailing up at me.

"Oh, Wyatt baby," I said softly, trying to comfort him as I got my bearings and stood up shakily. I had to be strong...I had to pull myself together, for my son. Walking as fast as I could over to him, I bent down, scooped him into my arms, and lifted him as I stood up, rocking him back and forth. He quieted down in a few minutes as I walked him around and then into the kitchen. Taking a tissue, I wiped his cheeks dry and then threw it away before heading upstairs. It was almost noon as I changed Wyatt's diaper and then carried him into the kitchen so I could get him something to eat. The poor thing had been dirty and hungry...and I had just been sitting there sleeping! Deciding to bash myself later, I set Wyatt in his highchair and went about cutting up some small pieces of fruit for him to eat. He smiled widely as I set the food in front of him and I grinned back before going to the refrigerator for a bottle of water. I drank it quickly, relieving my parched throat, and then closed my eyes for a moment. All was silent except for Wyatt's giggles as he slapped his highchair table with his little hands and ate his cut up pieces of a peach. I sighed in content at the peace in the air at that moment and then opened my eyes to watch him finish off his fruit. Five to ten minutes later I saw that his interest in his food was diminishing as he began to yawn. Smiling, I quietly carried him upstairs and laid him in his crib. 

"Sleep well," I whispered as I grabbed the baby monitor and left Wyatt to sleep. As I rounded the stairs heading for the kitchen, I jumped to see Phoebe standing in the hallway setting down her purse. "Oh, hey Phoebe, I didn't hear you come in," I said, walking down the remaining steps and following her into the kitchen.

"I was quiet because I know Wyatt takes his naps around 12:30 and I didn't want to wake him."

"He just fell asleep," I said softly, thinking of my son as I sat down in a chair and watched my sister sit down across from me. 

"So..." she said...looking at me with curiosity and concern, but I just shrugged.

"You want me to make lunch?" I asked, and she smiled.

"I guess. Here, I'll help," Phoebe replied as I stood up and we headed to the counter. I mixed up some fruit salad with what I hadn't given to Wyatt as Phoebe got out the bread and lunchmeat to make us sandwiches. We worked in silence, and it was to my liking. I felt confident in the kitchen, and working with my hands made me feel busy, as well as giving me something to focus on. These days I had a hard time focusing...I always found my mind wandering. 

"Done," I announced as I put some fruit into two bowls and set them on the kitchen table.

"Me too," Phoebe said, bringing two sandwiches over along with two bottled waters. "C'mon, why don't we eat in the living room?" I nodded at the suggestion and brought our fruit into the other room along with the baby monitor. Phoebe plopped right down onto the couch, setting down our drinks on the table, and immediately took a bite of her sandwich after setting mine down next to her. After setting down the monitor and both bowls of fruit, I picked up my sandwich and sat down next to my sister. As I took a bite I felt Phoebe watching me, and I looked over at her. She was chewing slowly and seemed to be contemplating something.

"What is it?" I asked, and she jumped, realizing that I had seen her staring at me.

"Oh, nothing, sorry. Just lost in a thought," she answered, and I nodded as a yawn overtook me and I sat back, closing my eyes for a moment. "You tired?" Phoebe asked, a hint of concern in her voice.

"Yeah, I guess," I replied. These days I really didn't have the energy or drive to ever hold a real conversation. My answers were always short and to the point.

"Why don't you go upstairs and take a nap with Wyatt?" Phoebe suggested, but I just shook my head as I opened my eyes and started to pick through my fruit bowl with a fork.

"No, I couldn't sleep," I said with a smile, and put a strawberry into my mouth. "Then I wouldn't get to sleep tonight." Phoebe just nodded as she continued to eat and I sighed inwardly. I couldn't tell her the real reason I was tired...plagued with dreams of Him every night...And if it wasn't a dream, I'd just be overwhelmed with anxiety, fear, or sadness. It happened every night...and the only thing that kept me going was looking over at my boy and gathering strength from and for him. I couldn't tell her that I feared sleep now. Every night was a reminder of what I had lost.

"Piper?" My train of thought broken, and I looked over at Phoebe, waiting for her to continue.

"Yes?" I asked as I set down my uneaten fruit and reached for my water.

"You're okay...right?" I let out a long slow sigh and looked my sister in the eyes.

"Are you still worried about me Phoebe?" I asked, and she slowly and hesitantly nodded.

"I can't help it Piper...You...you just haven't seemed yourself lately. And you've been yawning for the past week or so. It's obvious you haven't been sleeping well. If something is the matter, won't you tell me?" I smiled at my sister for a moment before pushing all of my food onto the table and turning completely towards her.

"Phoebe, I know you want to help, but I can assure you I am fine. And even if something were going on with me, sometimes people just need a little time on their own to figure things out. Do you understand?" Phoebe nodded at me and I smiled. "Good. Now, can you relay that to Paige too, because she seemed concerned this morning, and I don't want any of that. We can't have any negativity in the house. Especially not with Wyatt here. I want him to grow up in a loving happy stable household. At least, as much stable as we can make our lives. It'll be the best for him, don't you think?" My sister nodded at me, and I smiled as I grabbed my dishes and walked into the kitchen to throw away what I hadn't eaten and put the plate, fork, and bowl into the dishwasher. A moment later Phoebe had joined me, cleaning up her own plate.

"Oh, Piper, I'm sorry but I have to run. I have a meeting in about twenty-five minutes and my column has to be finished by today."

"That's all right. I'll see you later tonight," I told my sister as I watched her grab for her purse and head out the door. With a quiet bang of the front door, Phoebe was gone, and again I was left all alone. A wave of loneliness and sadness washed over me at this thought, and I walked over to the couch and sunk into the cushions. Why did I always feel this way? And...it was happening more and more as the days went by. At first, these waves had only come every few days, or only at night when I laid alone in bed. But now...they were happening three or four times daily, and I could do nothing to stop them. I just laid there on the couch, covering my head with my hands and breathing deeply. In...out...in...out...I repeated this to myself as I tried to breathe evenly. When the wave of dark feelings finally receded enough so that I had the energy to remove my hands from my head and lift it up to see the clock, I found that it was already two thirty. Amazed, I slowly sat up and did my best to stand. Slowly, but surely, I made my way upstairs with the baby monitor to find Wyatt playing quietly in his crib with a stuffed elephant.

"Hey, you," I said softly, and he looked up and laughed at my voice. "You were nice and quiet for Mommy, weren't you?" I asked, walking over and picking him up and out of his crib. "Do you want to go downstairs and play in the sun? Huh?" Wyatt cooed in response, so I grabbed his blanket and a bag of toys before heading downstairs and out into the backyard. The sun was shining warmly down on us as I laid out Wyatt's blanket and set out some toys. Placing a little red baseball hat on his head, I smiled at how cute he looked and then sat down next to him. "Do you want to read?" I asked as I picked up a book out of the bag and opened to the first page. Wyatt immediately crawled closer to me and I showed him the picture. "See that Wyatt? That's Clifford the Big Red Dog." Wyatt slapped his hand down onto the hard book in response and I turned the page to continue to read to him.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	2. Waterfall of Emotions

You Still Have All of Me

Part 2

By: Silverstar

Hello. Thanks to those who reviewed. It means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this part as well.

Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed or any of the characters. Don't sue.

~~~~~

I woke with a start, sweat pouring down my forehead and my sheets tangled and wrapped around me in various ways. The only thing I could feel was fear and panic as I franticly searched the room for something. I heard my heart pounding against my chess as I breathed heavily, not daring to move, but looking through the shadows for...There...Wyatt...Wyatt...he was gone! Where did he-?! Oh, that was right. Phoebe had taken him into her room for the night. She wanted me to get some rest and thought I'd sleep better without him. Oh...was she wrong. Of course, I couldn't have refused her when she asked. She had seemed so dead set on the idea, and Paige had agreed with her. So, Wyatt was gone, and I sat there in misery, not having anything to calm my nerves or set my mind straight again. My heart began to race as a wave of panic overcame me again, and I held on so tightly to the sheets that my knuckles turned white. No...No...What would I do, What would I do?! Without Him...Without Leo...without Wyatt...No, Wyatt would be back. He was coming back! Yes...he was only in the room next door. The room next door...My breathing calmed as I lay there, slowly loosening my grip on the bed sheets as my heart beat returned to normal. Looking around the empty room, I sighed in sorrow and defeat. This was it. I had been fighting it too long...and I couldn't anymore. I knew what this was...It was depression...it was loneliness and sickness...But I couldn't fight it any longer. 

"I give up!" I whispered into the silent room as tears began to pour down my face and I shifted in bed, sobbing into my pillow. I cried...and cried...and when I finally stopped, I felt so terrible that I couldn't even sleep. My headache kept me awake along with the shaking of my hands and unsteadiness of my mind. "Just come and take me...come and take me..." I whispered, lying still on my bed as I stared up at the ceiling. The hours slowly ticked by...and around five o'clock, I finally fell into a restless sleep.

"No...no..." I mumbled, turning over in bed and opening my eyes to find that I had been only dreaming yet again. Still, upon my waking I had forgotten the dream that seconds before I had been so enwrapped in. Oh well...it was probably for the best. I'd be having another tomorrow night anyway. Slowly sitting up, I looked over at the clock to see that it read...1:00! It was already one?! Slipping my feet into my slippers and grabbing for my robe, I raced for my door and rushed down the stairs...Silence. Walking into the kitchen I found a note on the counter.

Dear Piper,

We wanted to leave you to sleep, so we took Wyatt over to Morris' house. One of us will pick him up on our way home, so don't worry.

Love,

Phoebe and Paige.

P.S. Don't bother cooking dinner, we're bringing take-out home. 

I sighed at the letter, and slowly slid down into one of the kitchen chairs. Should I even bother getting dressed? Should I even bother taking a shower or eating something? I decided it didn't really matter, so I slowly got up and wandered back upstairs. Stepping into the bathroom, I turned on the shower as I stripped myself of my sweat-drenched pajamas and stepped into the hot steaming water. I sighed as I let the scalding flow wash over my body and took pleasure in the steam that was surrounding me. This was nice...When I finally emerged from the shower I was red and my fingers were prune-like, but I was relaxed. Walking into my room, I threw my pajamas onto my desk chair and put on a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. Not bothering to brush or blow dry my hair, I pulled it into a ponytail began to strip my bed of the sweaty sheets. It was around three o'clock by the time I had finished making my bed and had thrown the other sheets into the washer. Tired and feeling like I had no energy whatsoever, I fell back onto the top of my bed and laid there in silence, not really thinking or doing anything. Nothing went through my mind...only pain and sorrow washed through my heart. Focusing on these emotions, I realized that they would probably be with me for the remainder of my life. I would always be plagued with these feelings...these memories...these moments of grief and oblivion. Allowing a tear to fall down my cheek, I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Opening my eyes, I found that my room was dark and desolate. Looking at the clock as I slowly pushed myself up, I read that it was 6:30 Wow...6:30 already...? Shrugging my shoulders, I got to my feet and rummaged through my closet for a sweatshirt. Finding one, I pulled it over my head and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to keep warm. I stood there for a moment, staring off into space as my mind wandered and my thoughts scattered...but a second later I shook my head, clearing my mind and coming to my senses again, as I walked towards the door and headed downstairs. Suppressing a yawn, I shuffled into the kitchen to find Phoebe standing over Wyatt in his high chair. Smiling, I watched her unsuccessfully trying to feed Wyatt his baby food. Glancing over her shoulder at me, he let out a small giggle and waved up his hand towards me. His movement made Phoebe stand up and turn to face me, a frustrated look on her face. But at the sight of me she smiled and let out a sigh, sinking into a nearby chair. I slowly walked over, taking the baby food from her and then bending down towards my son.

"Did you miss me Wyatt? Did you?" I asked, a smile spreading across my face as he laughed up at me, waving his hands. Taking a spoonful of the baby food, I offered it to my son and he ate as I fed him, giving me no trouble whatsoever. Phoebe just watched on with a shocked look on her face and I laughed inwardly at how long she must have been down here with him.

"So, How was your day?" she asked as I reached for Wyatt's warm bottle and picked him up into my arms. Sitting down into a chair next to Phoebe, I held him close as I fed him the warm milk.

"It's better now," I replied in baby talk as I looked down at my son. Phoebe just shook her head as she sat back let out a long sigh.

"I don't know where you find the energy Piper," she said, and I just shrugged as I held my boy close.

"So, where's Paige?" I asked as I finished up with Wyatt's bottle. Before I could get up, Phoebe stood and took it from me along with his baby food bowl, and went to the sink to clean and put them away.

"She's on her way," Phoebe responded. "She just had to stop to pick up some Chinese on her way home." I nodded as I looked down at Wyatt and then pulled him even closer for a hug.

"I missed you today Wyatt," I said into his ear, giving him a kiss on the cheek and standing up as I swung him in a circle, resulting in a laugh from his cute little mouth. Holding him close, I ruffled his soft blonde hair with my fee hand and turned to see Phoebe staring at me with a small smile on her face. "What?" I asked, shifting Wyatt to get a better grip on him.

"Nothing...I just like watching you with him," she responded. "Did you really miss him that much?" Looking down at Wyatt, I stared into his eyes and found comfort and strength. My mind settled and I was able to think a little clearer. "Yeah...I did," I whispered as I kissed him on the head and gave Phoebe another smile. As she set Wyatt's bottle out to dry I walked out of the kitchen and over to the couch to sit down with my son. Sitting in silence, I rocked him gently back and forth as I thought about my long night and day without him. I had been a mess...and I still was a mess...but Wyatt allowed me to semi-control my feelings of sorrow, regret, and emptiness. His smile warmed my heart. "Hey...Piper?" Looking over, my trance broken, I saw Phoebe standing in the doorway. As I glanced at her she walked over and sat down next to me on the couch. "Piper...-" As Phoebe started to say something the front door opened and Paige walked into the house.

"Hey guys! I hope you're hungry!" she exclaimed while throwing down her jacket and purse and carrying the bag of food into the kitchen. Phoebe didn't seem like she was going to continue the conversation, so I stood up and walked into the kitchen behind Paige with Wyatt. Phoebe followed me. 

"Piper, why don't you go into the other room with Wyatt?" Phoebe said softly as she went to get water out of the refrigerator for the three of us. "We'll bring the food in in a second." Not having the energy to argue and with Wyatt already occupying my arms, I nodded and walked back into the family room. As I sat down I watched Wyatt open his mouth very wide to yawn, but I just held him closer.

"Piper, you should take Wyatt up to bed," Paige said as she entered the room and walked over with the Chinese cartons, setting them down on the table in front of me. I stared down at my boy as he snuggled into my arms, but I didn't want to take him upstairs. I didn't want him to not be in my arms. "Come on," she said softly, gently placing her hand under my arm and lifting me up. I let Paige lead me upstairs and she waited as I changed Wyatt's diaper and got him into his pajamas. Placing him in his crib, I tucked him under his blanket and bent down to give him a kiss.

"Goodnight little Wyatt," I said softly, giving him another kiss on the forehead. Leaning back up, I found myself not wanting to leave him and placed my hand on his head as he yawned again.

"Piper..." Paige whispered, and I felt her hand on my shoulder. Sighing softly to myself, I slowly lifted my hand and turned around, grabbing the baby monitor as I allowed my sister to lead me out of the room and downstairs. As we left, feelings of dread and distrust leapt into my heart, and I had no power to overthrow those feelings with thoughts or actions. "Hungry?" Paige asked as she sat me down on the couch between her and Phoebe. I just shrugged as she handed me a carton and a fork and watched as she helped herself to another carton and began to tell Phoebe and me about her day. I cared...I really did...but I heard nothing of what Paige had to say. My emotions just overwhelmed my other senses and actions, and I sat there motionless, picking at my food and letting my mind sink into depression.

"Piper...Piper?" Looking up, I realized that Phoebe was speaking to me.

"...Yeah?...Sorry," I said, focusing my attention on her and Paige, who were both looking at me with concern. 

"Paige and I were just asking how your day went," Phoebe said.

"Oh, well, I took a long shower and...well...I slept." Shrugging at them, I set my Chinese carton on the table and sat back into the sofa.

"Did you have anything to eat?" Paige asked, and I looked at her with a funny expression on her face. "It's just that...well...you hardly ate any of your dinner," she pointed out, and I looked over at the uneaten food.

"I just haven't been hungry lately," I replied in a soft voice, shrugging my shoulders again as I did so. Both Phoebe's and Paige's expressions changed from concerned to extremely worried and serious.

"Piper...we're worried about you," Paige said, placing her hand on my shoulder. "I...I don't know what's going on inside that head of yours...and neither does Phoebe. All we know is that you're always tired, always jumpy, never happy...you never eat...you never show any emotions unless you're around Wyatt. And even then, it's a sad sort of happiness. You have desperate and sad smiles, yearning for more, but never quite making it there. Please...tell us what's going on in that head of yours."

"We want to help, but can't if you won't open up with us," Phoebe added, placing her hand on my other shoulder. My heart pounded as I stared at my sisters, and sadness built up inside of me overwhelming my senses. Suddenly, tears started to overflow from my eyes, and I had no control over them. I felt sad...and I cried.

"Piper...!" Paige said, cupping her hands around my face and forcing me to look at her. I looked her in the eyes for a moment, and saw the change in her expression as she stared into my soul and saw the darkness, sorrow, and confusion there. I quickly broke my gaze, looking down and moving my head so that she no longer held it in place.

"I...I want Wyatt..." I said quietly, sniffling and wiping my eyes as I did so. A few minutes later Phoebe carried a sleeping Wyatt over to me and set him in my arms. I held him to me firmly, breathing in his scent and trying to calm my nerves. I didn't know what had just happened...but it wasn't new to me. This was the way I felt every night...whenever Wyatt wasn't near...whenever I let my mind wander...asleep or awake.

"Piper..." I jumped in surprise as Phoebe's arms wrapped around me, and she brought me into a hug, Wyatt and all. Tears were still falling down my face, though I didn't know it, and Phoebe seemed rattled, upset, and confused. I felt the same way. A few minutes passed, and I slowly relaxed into my sister's embrace, placing my head on her shoulder with one arm around her and the other supporting Wyatt who was still sleeping soundly. We sat like that for a while, and I slowly let Paige take Wyatt away and carry him back upstairs to his room. I stared after my boy, but forced myself to realize that he was only upstairs, and that I could see him whenever I pleased. Taking a deep breath, I realized that Phoebe and Paige were whispering to each other. My senses coming back to me, I opened my eyes and sat back, breaking my comforting hug with Phoebe and looking at the two of them. They stared back at me with surprise for a moment before I let out a loud sigh and sunk back into the cushions of the couch, covering my face with my hands as I did so.

"Come on honey, let's get you to bed," I heard Paige say softly as she and Phoebe lifted me up by either arm and walked me up to my room. I let Phoebe pull back the covers to my big and empty bed and lay down as Paige pulled the covers around me. Tired and lacking energy, I smiled softly up at my sisters before falling into a restless sleep.

I woke with a start, sweat pouring down my face yet again as I jolted up in bed breathing hard.

"Woah, Piper, it's okay, I'm here." Looking around, I saw Phoebe sitting at the side of my bed, whispering softly so she wouldn't wake Wyatt. She was looking at me with worry and an eagerness to help. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it only read five thirty. She must've been sitting there the whole night.

"Wh...What are you doing here?" I asked, wiping my forehead with the sleeve of my sweatshirt as I tried to untangle myself from my bed sheets.

"Paige and I were worried, so she sat with you half the night, and then I came to sit with you so she could get some sleep." I nodded, trying to focus on my sister and keep my mind off my dream.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Phoebe asked, and I grimaced as the dream came rushing back to me...It was the same as always...me chasing Leo in an endless dark void...

"It's nothing," I said quickly, sliding out of bed and heading for the bathroom. Reaching the sink, I turned on the cold water and splashed some up onto my face. As I dried myself with a towel, I turned to see Phoebe standing there, waiting for me. She followed me back into my room as I pulled a clean blanket from the top of my closet and wrapped it around me, sitting in the chair near Wyatt's crib. I sat for a minute...and another minute more, just watching as he breathed in and out...in and out...I copied his pattern and soon felt somewhat relaxed. Smiling down gently at him, I stood up and made my way out of my room and downstairs. I knew Phoebe was watching me...following me...but I didn't care. I walked into the kitchen and began to make myself some tea.

"Here, let me help," Phoebe volunteered, and she got out two cups and the tea bags as I began to heat up the water. We worked in silence, but while we were waiting for the water to heat, Phoebe spoke, startling me enough so that I jumped slightly at the sound of her voice in the quiet kitchen. "Piper...How long have these dreams been happening...?" Phoebe asked gently, turning me so that I'd face her. I looked at my little sister for a moment, and decided that she didn't need any more trouble in her life.

"Not too long," I responded, looking down as I answered.

"How long is 'not too long?'" she asked, clearly knowing that I was lying to her. Sighing to myself, I walked over to the kitchen table and sat down in a chair.

"I've...I've been having dreams...ever since the night that Leo left...since the night that Leo left me alone to watch over Wyatt and fend for myself..." I felt the tears start to come as I said this, and then looked up at my sister with them threatening to cascade down my face. "He isn't coming back Phoebe...he isn't..." A tear began to roll down my face as I spoke, and in a moment, more followed it. "And...Phoebe...there's nothing I can do...nothing..." I gasped for breath as I began to cry and Phoebe rushed over to wrap her arms around me. In a moment the timer went off, and I hastily turned from my sister, rushing over to pour out the tea. Phoebe followed, helping me pour the scalding water so that I wouldn't spill any of it on myself with my shaking hands. When the tea had set for a few minutes I gently picked up my cup while Phoebe did the same with hers. My nerves getting to me, I sunk into the closest chair and took a long drink, allowing the warm liquid to travel down my throat. We sat in silence drinking our tea, and I tried to organize my thoughts. The problem was, my feelings always got in the way. When I had finished my tea I was no nearer to understanding what was going on inside of me, but I did know that I couldn't deal with it. Maybe I could run...yeah...run...! Standing up suddenly, I bolted out of the room and turned to run up the stairs. I could hide up in my room for a few days...just me and Wyatt. Or we could go on a vacation! As I neared the top of the stairs two arms wrapped around me from behind, holding me back so that I could run no further. Turning, I saw Phoebe holding me as Paige sleepily exited from her room, looking at us with confusion and concern.

"Piper...Piper..." Phoebe said desperately as I slid to the floor in defeat. My sister followed my example, sliding down next to me, her arms still wrapped around me, and Paige continued to stand, watch, and listen. "Piper...What are you running from..? What...?" Phoebe asked, tears now falling from her eyes. I looked at her and saw pain and sadness...I knew my face was reflecting hers.

"You want to know...?" I asked, and Phoebe stared at me with pleading eyes as Paige slid down on the other side of me, resting her hand on my shoulder. "I can't really tell you what I run from...I never know what is going on in my head!" I admitted, fear rising in my voice. "I run from the past...I run from the future...I run from the memories...I run from my life as it is now, because I've had a taste of what my life could be forever. I run from my emotions, because they cloud me every day, plaguing my every step, and I have no control over them." I wiped my eyes, trying to remain strong for my sisters, but they just continued to listen as I breathed in and out quickly and told my story. "One minute I'm happy, and the next I'm sad...One minute content, the next restless...One minute at peace and the next fearful and uneasy. My emotions change like the ups and downs of a roller coaster, and while I fought it off at first...Those first weeks...I tried to keep strong...keep going. Now I don't have the strength to defeat this depression. I tried Phoebe, I really did," I said softly as I began to cry and Paige hugged me from behind. "Phoebe...Paige...If you can make it go away...all the feelings...all the pain...Please...I can't make it leave...and it haunts me day and night..." Crying softly, I opened my eyes as Paige and Phoebe released me, and both slid back to sit in front of me.

"Piper, look at me," Paige said, and I stared hopelessly into her big brown eyes, searching for a reason or an answer to my madness. "Listen to me Piper...You have to know that you're not alone. You never were and never will be alone in this. We are always here, and we'll help you. Okay?" I nodded at my sister, smiling at her words, and reached forward to give her a hug. She returned it, and seconds later Phoebe joined us.

"Come on Piper. You should get some more sleep, and when you wake up we'll figure everything out," Phoebe promised me, and I nodded to her as she and Paige helped me to my feet.

"But...Not in there," I whispered as they began walking towards my room. "The large empty bed gives me nightmares...He haunts my dreams..." I stared at the room for a second before Phoebe led me into her room and Paige pulled down the covers of Phoebe's unmade bed. Worn out, I slid in with no complaints and soon fell into a restless sleep with my sisters by my side.

"I will be alright..." Phoebe whispered in my ear. "It will all be alright."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	3. At the Edge

You Still Have All of Me

Part 3

By: Silverstar

Here is the 3rd part. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting for someone to review the second part...*sad face* It's been over a month since I've updated. I've even written through part six. My rule is usually that I won't update until a least one person reviews, but since it's been so long, I figured that no one was going to review. It makes me sad, but since I love the story so much, I decided to post the next part. I hope everyone enjoys....

Disclaimer: Charmed is not mine. -_-;

~~~~~

My sisters kept repeating to me that everything would be alright...Everything would work out in the end...but I didn't have the strength or conviction to believe them. A week had gone by since I had admitted to them what was going on in my head...and nothing had changed except for the fact that Phoebe was working at home as much as she could and Paige was coming home during her lunch breaks. I could also tell that they talked carefully around me, and I knew they had discussions over me late at night after I'd gone to bed. I didn't really blame them...They were worried, just as worried as I was afraid. I feared what was going on in my head...I couldn't do anything to feel better, and lately even Wyatt couldn't brighten my moods. 

Waking up one morning, I looked over to notice Wyatt gone. It was already eleven o'clock...I must have slept through his crying...maybe Phoebe took him downstairs before he woke up so I could get some sleep. Either way....Hey, wait...Looking down, I saw that I was in the same position I had been when I fell asleep. No movement, no wrinkling or twisting of the sheets, and no tear soaked pillows...It was the first night in weeks that I hadn't had a dream. Not one dream. My mind felt clear...and I felt refreshed and alive. Standing up, I slowly made I way to my door and down the stairs. Phoebe was in the sunroom with Wyatt and I saw no sign of Paige. She must have already left for work. Pouring myself a cup of coffee, I picked it up and walked into the sunroom towards my sister and my son.

"Good morning," I greeted as I walked towards them and took a drink from my coffee cup. Phoebe immediately looked up ay me and smiled at my entrance.

"Hey, did you get a good nights sleep?" she asked, picking up Wyatt as she stood up and handing him over to me after I set down my coffee cup. "You're usually up so early...so I was relieved to see you sleeping this morning."

"Yeah," I said, taking Wyatt and bouncing him up and down to make him laugh. "I didn't wake up once...or have any dreams or anything. I feel great." Phoebe's face relaxed more than I had seen in the past weeks and she stepped forward to give me a hug. 

"That's great Piper. It's such a relief that you're feeling better," Phoebe said to me as she pulled away and I set Wyatt down in his playpen before picking up my coffee and taking another sip.

"Yeah..." I whispered, finding a genuine smile on my face for the first time in a long time. "Hey, can you watch Wyatt a little longer? I'd like to go take a shower."

"Sure. I'll be sitting here working on my column," Phoebe responded, and I slowly turned around and headed upstairs. Rounding the top of the staircase, I started towards the shower as my heart beat a little faster and a sense of urgency welded up within me. Hurrying, I entered the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I took a few deep breaths as my anxiety quieted and I slowly slid to the floor. No dreams...no worries...no dark feelings...after having them for so long...it worried me that they had disappeared overnight. Shaking my head, I quickly stripped off my clothes as I turned on the shower and let the water get hot. Once I saw the steam beginning to form, I stepped under the hot flow and let it relax me. Seconds passed...then minutes...When I finally opened my eyes I saw my surroundings and a surge of sorrow passed through my heart like a bullet. Here I was...alone...so vulnerable...so weak...no wonder He left me...no wonder He didn't care enough to stay...Tears rolled down my cheeks at these thoughts and I leapt from the shower onto the floor. Five minutes before I thought things had changed...I though I was returning to my formal self...But it was only a trick of the mind. My mood swings had me going from happy and relaxed to restless, anxious, and depressed in the course of a second. All it took was one thought...one memory for my mind to falter and fall again. As I laid on the floor, holding the sides of my head with my hands, I breathed deeply. Everything filtered from my mind except the strong desire to end the sadness...to end it. And, it would be easy to end too. Yes...it would be simple. Picking myself up off the ground, I threw a robe on over my wet body and opened the door of the bathroom. No one was in sight. Holding a hand over my heart in an attempt to shut out my suffering, I turned towards the attic and made my way down the hall and up the stairs. The old door creaked open, as I stood just inside and stared around me. I hadn't been up into the attic since...since those days when I had last seen Leo...It looked the same. Everything was right where I had remembered it to be. Walking slowing, I made my way to The Book and traced my fingers along its edges. Without The Book...Without It, I never would have even met Leo. Things would have been so different...but it's no time to think on the past. This is what I told myself...but my mind still raced back to every memory of Him. My heart pounding, I slowly walked over to the window and looked out. The sky seemed darker, and upon closer scrutinizing I realized that gray clouds could be seen in every direction. Reaching forward, I slowly unlatched the window and pulled it open. A cold blast of wind hit me, and I closed my eyes as my hair blew back and goose bumps appeared over my wet and cold skin. After taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and looked out. Would it really be so bad? If I just....No...What was I thinking? What was I doing up here? Backing away slightly, I continued to stare at the window. Well...What if I did? Would things change even in death? I guess I wouldn't know until I tried. About to take another step forward, a noise behind me made me stop.

"Piper, What are you doing up here?" Phoebe asked, and I turned to see her confused and scared face behind me.

"Oh...I just needed some fresh air, that's all. I feel like I haven't been outside in ages...and the hot shower I took made me feel a little light headed," I stammered quickly. Phoebe slowly came towards me, reaching out her hand until she took hold of my arm.

"If you were feeling dizzy you should have just sat down and turned the shower off. You left the water running."

"S...Sorry," I said, lowering my head and then glancing towards the window. Phoebe followed my gaze and then brushed past me, reaching up to close and latch my only means of escape.

"What's wrong?" she asked, turning to face me after she took care of the window. "Twenty minutes ago you seemed perfectly healthy and happy. What's changed?" I stared at my sister for a moment before sliding into a chair and leaning my head on my hands, covering my face in the process.

"...It's...It's mood swings Phoebe...they come and go. Just one thought of...of...L...Leo...and everything went downhill from there. My head pounds and my heart breaks...and I just want to get away from it all. Coming up here was bad...I...I haven't set foot in this room since...since..." My voice broke as I pulled my head up to look at Phoebe. She was sitting in a chair next to me and placed her hands over mine.

"No more crying Piper...Don't you think you've cried enough?" Phoebe said softly to me, and I just stared at her as she squeezed my hands with hers.

"I can't help myself Phoebe...I'm a mess...a mess..."

"Don't tell yourself that, do you hear me?" Phoebe asked, but I just shook my head.

"I know you and Paige talk about me late at night when you think I have fallen asleep. My dreams haunt me Phoebe...I'm never very eager to close my eyes at night. I know both of you are worried...and I'm afraid too." I looked at my sister in the eyes for a moment before getting up and heading down the stairs.

"Piper!" Phoebe called, and I turned around halfway down the staircase to look up ay my little sister. "Piper...What were you really doing with that window open? What were you going to do?" she asked, fear evident in her eyes.

"I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't walked in," I said blankly, not having anything else to say. That was my only answer. I saw the fear in Phoebe's expression, but I turned around and continued downstairs anyway. As I stepped into the downstairs hallway, the front door opened and I watched Paige walk in.

"Piper...?" she asked, but I just turned around again and headed for the kitchen. "Piper...!" I heard Paige call again, and knowing that she'd come into the kitchen to question me, I looked for an escape. My eyes locked onto the basement door and I quickly opened it and headed downstairs in the dark. I stumbled down the stairs, but once on the ground I threw myself onto the cool floor and let myself breathe in and out in the quiet solitude. Shivering from the cold, I clenched my teeth shut and continued to lie still, breathing evenly in an attempt to regain control of my head and my emotions. 

The basement door creaked open and I heard someone slowly descending the stairs. The footsteps became louder as they neared me, but I remained where I was.

"Piper...You're going to catch a cold," A concerned Paige said as she knelt beside me and placed her hand on my forehead. Still wet from my shower and only wearing a white robe to cover me and keep me warm, I instinctively moved closer to my sister's warmth. Leaning down, she took me into her arms and held me close. "Piper, it's okay. It's okay to feel the way you feel. But...it really is healthier to share those feelings. That way, Phoebe and I can help you to overcome them." I said nothing as I continued to shiver, trying to keep warm through Paige. Phoebe must have told her what happened upstairs...great...All I needed was for my sisters to think of me as a crazy...But...Wasn't that what I was?...A crazy?

"Am I crazy...:?" I asked in a whisper, opening my eyes and looking up at my sister. Surprised at my sudden speech, Paige hesitated a moment before answering.

"No...of course you're not crazy," she said softly, placing her right hand on the side of my face. "You're just a little lost. But don't worry, cause we will help you find your way." I said nothing as I shut my eyes again and then heard footsteps coming towards us. 

"Here," I heard Phoebe say, and in a moment a large towel was wrapped around me. With Phoebe and Paige pulling me up, I stumbled to me feet and opened my eyes to look at my sisters.

"Thanks," I said to Phoebe and she smiled, placing her hand on my shoulder, and then helped Paige take me upstairs. I climbed most of them myself, but my sisters steadied me to make the journey a little easier. Before I knew it I was back upstairs in my bedroom with my sisters, who were drying me off and getting me into something warm. Nonetheless, I continued to shiver as they helped me dress and put me into bed. "I'm not tired...I'm not tired..." I insisted repeatedly as Phoebe and Paige said something quietly to each other before Phoebe left.

"It's all right hun, you don't have to sleep," Paige reassured me. "We just want you to keep warm." I looked at my sister in silence for a moment as she walked nearer to me and sat down next to me on my bed.

"I'm...I'm sorry," I said suddenly, placing my hand on Paige's shoulder. "Sometimes I don't know what comes over me...Sometimes I just can't control myself," I tried to explain, looking at Paige with pleading eyes, hoping that she would understand.

"It's all right Piper. I know exactly how you feel," she whispered to me, and I looked at her with confusion evident in my eyes. She then took a deep breath and began to speak. "I sunk into a long terrible depression after my parents died," she revealed. "Some days were good, and some were bad...Some days I wondered if it would just be easier to rid myself of my misery...Maybe it would be easier to just not go on. But...my family was there, and they made me realize that I could go on and move forward with my life. That's why I can look at you and tell you that everything will be okay. I know it will." I looked at Paige for a moment before leaning back onto my pillows and sighing to myself.

"You should believe her," I heard Phoebe say, and I looked at my doorway to see her standing there with a cup of soup and a mug of tea.

"I've tried everything," I said softly. "Nothing works...and everyday I feel like killing myself." My eyes widened after I said this, for I hadn't realized it until it came out of my mouth. Still...it was true, I couldn't figure out why I hadn't tried anything earlier.

"Well..." Phoebe said, obviously shocked with my statement. "If you can't do it on you own and nothing's working for you, maybe you need some help."

"Piper," Paige said, and I looked up at my sisters. They had been discussing me earlier...what did thy want to do with me? "Piper...Phoebe and I think you should see a doctor. We think maybe you should get some medicine...Something for your depression. We need to do something. You're getting sicker and sicker everyday, and Wyatt is growing and watching his Mother in pain and agony. It isn't healthy for you, him, or for this family." I looked at Paige for a moment, then at Phoebe, and then back at Paige.

"It will help?" I asked, and Paige smiled. 

"It has for millions of people before you, including yours truly," she said softly, indicating herself, and I nodded.

"All right...all right, I'll go see a doctor," I told my sisters. "Anything to help...anything to make my head and heart go back to normal." My sisters seemed satisfied and more at ease with this answer, but confusion and anxiety just grew in my mind.

"Here hun, don't think about it too much," Paige said, taking the soup and tea from Phoebe. "Drink this to keep warm. We don't want you getting sick and we don't want you to worry. We'll take care of everything." I nodded mutely as I took the hot liquids from Paige, setting the tea down to cool a little and taking a drink of the hot tomato soup. Closing my eyes, I concentrated only on the hot liquid sliding down the insides of my throat. Once swallowed, I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. Phoebe and Paige were just exiting the room, leaving the door wide open as they left. They didn't trust me....but then again, did I trust myself? No...I didn't. Breathing deeply and evenly, I drank some more of my soup before setting it down and picking up my tea. The aroma filled my nostrils and overpowered my senses, making me forget everything but the flavor for just a second. Once finished I felt calmer and warmer. Not tired, I slowly slid out of bed, picking up both cups as I did so. Holding them tightly in my hands, I made my way out of my bedroom and down the stairs towards the kitchen. As I placed both cups in the sink, I heard noises coming from the sunroom. Glancing in, I saw Paige writing down something on a piece of paper as she held the phone up to her ear with her free hand. Phoebe was bouncing Wyatt as tears threatened to overflow from his eyes. Looking at the time, I realized that it was close to two...Wyatt must be hungry. Turning around, I walked back into the kitchen and began fixing him a bottle. Ten minutes later I emerged into the sunroom with a warm bottle only to receive surprised looks from my sisters.

"Here Phoebe, he's probably hungry," I said, lifting Wyatt out of her arms and sitting down on a chair with him. He immediately settled down in my arms and began drinking hungrily from the bottle I had fixed for him. Phoebe just sighed, sitting down herself and throwing the stuffed bear on the floor that she had been trying to cheer Wyatt up with.

"I didn't realize how late it was," she said to me as we watched Wyatt eat happily.

"That's all right, I didn't either. I'm sure he forgives both of us." Phoebe just nodded at me as I continued to watch Wyatt and Paige listened intently into her phone.

"Thank you so much," I heard her say sweetly into the phone. "Yes...We'll see you tomorrow. All right. Thank you again. Okay...Bye now." I looked up as Paige hung up the phone and finished scribbling something down on the paper in front of her.

"Well?" Phoebe asked, and I looked from Paige to Phoebe, and then back to Paige again. Who had she been talking to?

"I called in a favor from my contacts at the Social Service Agency," Paige said, looking over at me with a smile. "I got you an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow at one of the Social Service's Health Branches. It's just a building of different types of doctors, nurses, and counselors. They set you up with Doctor Rune tomorrow at one." I looked at Paige, shocked and bewildered at this news.

"So soon?" I asked as Wyatt finished his bottle and I held him up to my shoulder as he burped.

"Don't worry hun," Paige said, coming over to sit next to me. "I told you not to worry, and you shouldn't. Everything will be fine." I stared at Paige for a minute, still unbelieving, and then got up to put Wyatt's bottle in the sink. I didn't know why I felt fear and anxiety...This was suppose to help me...It was going to help me.

"Let me wash that," Phoebe said, coming up behind me as I was about to turn on the water. Stepping away, I let her wash the bottle and set it out to dry as I looked over my son. He seemed content in my arms, laying his head on my shoulder as he put his small thumb into his mouth.

"Piper..." Looking up, I saw that Paige had walked in with the paper she had been writing on. She put it on the counter as she spoke to me. "You know that Phoebe and I are going with you, right? We won't let you do it alone."

"You'll come?" I asked, not really sure what I had been thinking before.

"Of course," she answered as I shifted Wyatt into my other arm to make room for Phoebe. She walked over, putting her arm around me and resting her head on my shoulder.

"We wouldn't leave you for the world," Phoebe whispered to me, and I smiled.

"Thanks," I replied, giving Phoebe a kiss on the top of her head and smiling at Paige. Hearing a small sigh, I looked down to see Wyatt nestled in my arm, eyes drooping as he breathed evenly. "Hey, I'm going to put him to bed," I said as Phoebe let go of me and looked down at her sleepy nephew. "It's time for his nap." Hugging Wyatt closer, I exited the kitchen and made my way upstairs to my bedroom. Walking over to his crib, I set him down slowly and pulled a thin blanket over him. "Have a nice nap," I whispered, giving him a kiss on his forehead before turning around and turning off the light. Staring back at him, I took a deep breath and then walked towards the door and downstairs towards my sisters. It was obvious that Paige wasn't going back to the office, and Phoebe wasn't going to get any of her work done. Knowing that I was the reason for this, I figured I might as well spend time with them for the rest of the day. At least it kept my mind off other things. I did get the most depressed when I was alone, and just being in the same room as them usually made my heart feel a little lighter.

When I descended the stairs I found both of my sisters sitting together on the couch. Neither was speaking...and it hit hard that I was responsible for their uneasiness, confusion, and distress. Shuffling over, I stood quietly before them until both turned their eyes up to look at me.

"I'm so sorry..." I said in grief, dropping to my knees and lowering my head. "I did not mean to worry you or cause either of you pain...I'd never wish the pain I feel every day on anyone else. I am truly very sorry...Paige...Phoebe...Can you forgive me?" Closing my eyes, I waited for a response from my sisters. A few seconds later a hand was placed beneath my chin, raising my head so that it was no longer bowed. When I looked up, I was looking into the eyes of my sister...Paige.

"Don't do this to yourself Piper," she said softly, smiling warmly at me. "Don't blame yourself for anything, because you did nothing wrong. Phoebe and I are fine. Sometimes we just like to think about things...just like you. Do you know what I mean?" I slowly nodded at my sister and then turned to Phoebe.

"So you're not angry either?" I asked, and Phoebe shook her head no as she reached out her arms and pulled me up onto the couch between her and Paige. 

"How could we be mad at you?" she asked, and I shrugged in response.

"Sometimes fear, panic, and sorrow may lead to anger," I answered. "When Leo first left...I was sad, but angry too. I can't stand being angry at him anymore, because that anger just made me realize how much I loved him...How much I didn't want to give him up."

"We didn't want Leo to leave either," Paige said, and I turned my head to look at her. "But...he did. And I can assure you that we are not angry at you for missing him. We all miss him."

"Thanks," I replied, wrapping my arms around both of my sisters and snuggling next to them as we sat in silence, thinking and praying...A thought about the past, a thought about the present, and a prayer for the future.

TO BE CONTINUED...

After updating I realized that someone had reviewed the second part! I guess the review alert emails weren't working and I had checked at the wrong times. THANK YOU piper+leo4eva!


	4. Bottle of Hope

You Still Have All of Me

Part 4

By: Silverstar

Thanks to all who reviewed. I knew guilt-tripping you guys would work...^^ hee hee. Okay, so here's the 4th part!

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed! ^o^

~~~~~

It has been one week since I have visited the doctor, and in my hands I now hold a bottle of hope. With some persuasion, I convinced my sisters and Doctor Rune to let me have the medication after only one evaluation, one session. I'm still required to visit the doctor once a week, but I now have small white pills of happiness. It is important to take them on routine, my good doctor says. It is important to only take two per day, she also recommends. I don't actually think a small pill twice a day can help me...but I guess I shall find out. She says to take one pill in the morning and one at night. This is suppose to get me through the day and through a night with no fears, no dreams, and no disturbances. Maybe it will help...maybe. I think this as I head downstairs with Wyatt in my arms. Entering the kitchen, I see both Page and Phoebe sitting at the table finishing their coffee.

"Good morning!" Phoebe greeted, standing as I entered to get the bottle she had prepared for Wyatt.

"Good morning," I replied, taking the bottle from her and sitting down to feed my son. It had been a rough night, but knowing that today I'd start on my meds made me feel a little better. When I was done feeding Wyatt Phoebe waved me farewell, and I waved back as she made her way out the front door.

"I have to go too hun," Paige said, grabbing her jacket and purse as she stood from her seat. "Don't forget your pills," she then reminded me, handing me the bottle that had been sitting in the medicine cabinet.

"I won't," I replied, hugging her goodbye with one arm as Wyatt clung to my other side. Looking down at the bottle, I smiled as I put Wyatt in his highchair and then opened up a bottle of water. Twisting open the top of the pill bottle, I took a pill and threw it into my mouth, drowning it down my throat with a gulp of water a second later. Once that was finished I put the medicine back into the cabinet and made some toast. The warm toasted bread tasted good as I sat at the table, drinking my decaf coffee and watching Wyatt play with the cheerios I had given him. Still, while the thoughts of my sisters and Wyatt made me smile…I didn't feel any different. Well, I had to get through the day anyway. When I finished my breakfast I picked up Wyatt and headed upstairs. After putting him in his playpen I grabbed the baby monitor and then left to take a shower. The day went by as usual, and although I felt no different mentally, I noticed that throughout the day I didn't get tired as easily and I had more energy to play with Wyatt. Also, with my being sick the Club had been slipping. Phoebe and Paige had been helping me with the books, but they never really knew what they were doing. After putting Wyatt down for his nap around one, and made my way downstairs and worked on my papers for the club for about an hour until Wyatt woke up. As I was upstairs changing him, I heard someone moving around in the kitchen. After finishing up with Wyatt, I picked him up and made my way downstairs.

"Hello?" I called, walking into the kitchen to find Paige digging through the refrigerator.

"Oh, hey Piper," she said, closing the fridge with some leftover pizza in hand.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked, and she just smiled as she sat down to eat.

"I skipped lunch so I could come home early to see you," she admitted as I handed her a diet coke and she thankfully opened it and took a drink.

"You know you didn't have to do that," I replied, sitting down across from her while sitting Wyatt on my lap. 

"I know," she told me, putting her pizza down and reaching her hand over to place on top of my free one. "But, how do you feel? Any better?" I smiled at my sister and then glanced down at Wyatt before looking back up to her.

"I don't know…I do feel less tired and like I have more energy…but nothing else has really changed."

"That's all right," she told me. "It usually takes about a week before the medicine fully works. Give it time."

"All right," I said, smiling at her. "Anyway, I have to get to the club today to see how everything is and to drop off this paperwork. Will you drive me?"

"Sure," Paige agreed as she put her plate in the sink and got up to grab her jacket and purse. I followed suit, putting my jacket on and then getting Wyatt into his. Five minutes later we were out the door, Wyatt was in his car seat in the back of my jeep, and Paige and I had climbed in the front.

"Thanks for driving," I said.

"Sure," she replied. "You shouldn't be driving anyway being new to the medication." We drove in silence as we made the familiar turns towards P3, and when we got there I quickly unbuckled my seat belt.

"Can you stay in the car with Wyatt?" I asked. "I won't be more than five minutes. Paige nodded, and I smiled at her as I got out of the car and headed into my club. Upon entering my spirits rose at the sounds of preparation for the band that night. Two seconds after I entered as I was heading for my desk in the back room my manager Julie came rushing towards me.

"Piper! I'm so glad you came in!" she exclaimed, and I turned to smile at her. "Are you feeling better? Your sisters said you were sick."

"Oh, yeah, I'm fine," I said, half-lying and half telling the truth. "I can't stay long, but I wanted to put this info into the computer and make sure everything was going okay." As I said this I entered my office and, turning on the light, I looked around and saw that everything was the way I had left it.

"Piper, why don't you let me enter those numbers into the computer. You can go check up on everything else. The band's information in on the bar."

"Thanks," I said, turning and heading back to the bar. A few of my other employees were rushing around making preparations, but when they saw me they all smiled and waved my way. Smiling back, I waved to all of them in return and then picked up the band's info. After making a quick call to the manager to confirm they were still coming, I looked over the bar's supplies to check inventory and then went to find Julie. She was just finishing up with the computer when I entered. "Everything looks fine," I said, handing her the folder with the band's info in it and the inventory checklist. "You did a great job. I can't thank you enough."

"Oh, no Piper, it wasn't all me. Your sisters...helped...too..." I stared at Julie for a second and then rolled my eyes.

"Come on Julie, we both know my sisters try...but if it were up to them to run this club then it would go out of business in a matter of days." Julie laughed at my statement and nodded.

"I suppose you're right. Are you coming by tonight?"

"Probably not, but I'll stop by tomorrow or on Monday."

"Okay, rest up," she told me as I made my way to the door. "You still look tired."

"Thanks Julie, I'll talk to you later." I waved as I walked out the door towards my car and was about to turn forward when I bumped into someone and fell to the ground. "Oh...Sorry," I mumbled, grabbing for my purse and putting its contents back inside as quickly as I could. 

"That's alright, I wasn't looking either," a deep voice answered, and glancing up, I gasped at what I saw...light brown/blond hair...green eyes...tall...a kind gentle face...Looking up, I saw my husband standing above me, and my heart stopped. "Ms...Are you alright?" he asked, but I couldn't get Leo's image out of my head. The next thing I knew I was staring into Paige's eyes. Shaking my head, I saw her leaned down in front of me while holding Wyatt.

"Piper...Piper? Are you okay?" she asked.

"Oh...Yeah," I answered as she helped me to my feet with her free hand. "I'm so sorry," I told the man standing there, who now at a closer look didn't look quite like Leo's twin.

"Oh, that's alright," he said, smiling as he handed me my cell phone that had landed by his feet. "Hey...are you the owner?" he asked, indicating the club behind us.

"Oh, yeah," I answered, taking my phone from him and putting it into my purse.

"That's great," he said excitedly. "I called earlier about the job add in the paper and Julie said to come by when the owner was around, but you haven't been here when she has told me to come back."

"Oh, I'm sorry..." I hesitated, not knowing his name, but he smiled and offered me his hand.

"It's Robert," he answered.

"Robert...Hi, Piper Halliwell," I said, shaking his hand as I introduced myself. "Yes, well I'm very sorry I haven't been around. I'm actually on my way out now, but if you want to stop by tomorrow around six, I can interview you and we can do a tryout at the bar."

"That would be great," he said, obviously excited. "I'll see you tomorrow then?"

"Yes, I'll see you tomorrow," I replied as I followed Paige back to the car and got in the side door as she put Wyatt into his car seat. A minute later Paige was in the driver's seat, and although the key was in the ignition and the engine was running, the car wasn't moving forward.

"Piper...Are you okay? You sat on the ground there for like two minutes straight...That guy probably though you were having a seizure or something." I just shook my head and then looked over at Paige.

"It was nothing...I'm fine," I said as my chest tightened with pain, and sorrow whelmed up inside of me as I thought of Leo.

"Piper...I saw the resemblance too." My head jerked up at these words and I stared at Paige.

"You..."

"Yes...He looked a lot like Leo. That was it, wasn't it? You were in shock...you thought it was him for a second..."

"Yes," I admitted. "But...I'm fine now. You broke me out of my trance."

"Either way Piper, I don't think you should hire that young man. He'll cause you too much stress." I nodded, agreeing with Paige as she started to drive home. She was right...but although I knew it would cause me pain to see him and be reminded of Leo...just having someone near that looked like him would make me feel that he was close too. I guess I'd just wait to see if he was okay on the job tomorrow. I wouldn't be able to let go of anyone who would be able to make drinks and clean the tables. I needed all the help I could get nowadays. We got back to the manner around three thirty, and while Paige went up to her room, I put Wyatt in his playpen and sat down for a moment. My head was pounding from the encounter and maybe even as a side effect of the medication...I didn't know. Either way, I took some aspirin and made my way over to the couch so I could lay down. That's where Paige found me when she came downstairs holding a bag full of objects from her room.

"What's all that?" I asked, opening my eyes when I heard her and sitting up to get a better look.

"It's just some stuff that helped me when I was depressed." Intrigued, I slid over so she could sit next to me on the couch and watched as she pulled out object after object. "This is a yoga and meditation mat," She said, placing it on the floor. "You can use it for either. Here's another one, and here's some soothing music," she continued, pulling out a tape. "I can teach you to meditate. It really helped me to clear my mind and I think it might help you."

"Okay," I said, unsure but willing to take Paige's advice. "What else do you have in there?"

"Well, I have a bottle of aspirin, some heating pads, a fluffy blanket, and...well, this is kind of stupid, but this is my little teddy bear that my parents gave me as a kid. It always helped if I held it...I felt closer to them. So, maybe if you're feeling sad and you hold it, you'll feel closer to me...?" I smiled, taking the bear from Paige and looking it over before setting it in the pile around our feet.

"Thanks Paige, it means a lot," I said, giving her a hug before hearing a whine coming from the other room. "Oh, duty calls," I said, getting up and making my way towards Wyatt as Paige put everything back in the bag.

"I'm putting this in your room!" she called. "I can teach you to meditate later!"

"Yeah, later!" I called back, reaching my son and picking him up into my arms. He quieted immediately and I smiled down at him. "Just lonely, huh?" He giggled in response as I carried him into the kitchen and took a cookie out of a jar sitting on the table. Then, walking back over to his playpen, I set him down in it and handed him the cookie. He took it happily and munched in silence while I turned on the television and switched the channel until I found a kids show. "Will you watch for a while honey?" I asked, and he stared up at the television while eating his treat in silence. Taking that as a yes, I bent down to give him a kiss on the forehead and then turned to go upstairs. Entering my room, I found Paige organizing the meditation mats on the floor.

"Oh, hey," she said, looking up as I came in. "How's Wyatt?" I smiled as she said this, and walked over to sit down on the bed.

"He's fine. Just got lonely for a minute, but I gave him a snack and turned the TV on. He should be fine for a while." Paige nodded, getting up off the floor and walking over to my stereo to put the tape in.

"Then we'll have time. Come on, I want to show you," she insisted as the music came on and she pulled me down onto a mat next to her.

"Paige, I have a headache," I complained, starting to get up again, but Paige pulled me back down as I did so.

"Then it's the perfect time to start. Meditation helps you to relax, and without tension there won't be a headache." I sighed, but knowing that she wouldn't give up and that it might help, I gave in and settled down on the mat with my legs crossed. "Okay, now sit up straight and put your hands on your knees," Paige instructed, and I followed her instructions. "Now close your eyes…relax your shoulders…and breathe in for a count of three. One…two…three…" I breathed in slowly, listening to Paige's voice…but all I could think about was the time Leo made me blow up my guru… "Now exhale to the count of five…" Paige was instructing me, but I barely heard her. "One…Two…" Leo's voice filled my head as I remembered when I first developed my power to blow things up. He entered our room full aware that I was dangerous, and he put his arms around me… "Piper! Piper, exhale!" I heard Paige shouting at me, and all of the sudden I realized that I was still holding my breath. Releasing it all at once, my eyes popped open and I gasped for air as Paige pulled me to my feet and sat me on the edge of my bed. As I refilled my lungs with air Paige disappeared, and a second later she was sitting by my side with a glass of water. "Here, take small sips," she instructed, and I took the glass from her as she put her arm around me and I drank the water.

"Thanks," I replied as I handed the glass back to her and breathed slowly in and out.

"Piper, what happened?" she asked, setting the water on my dresser and then sitting back down next to me.

"It…It's…" I shook my head, getting up and making my way downstairs.

"Piper!" Paige called after me as I walked into the sunroom to get my son. He was sitting down watching the cartoon rabbit on the screen, but upon seeing me he pulled himself up on his feet and reached his arms out towards me. Turning the television off, I picked him up into my arms and then went out the back door. Taking a deep breath, I sat down in a chair on the deck and held him close. Seconds later I heard the door open and then creak close. Paige stood there, looking over at me for a minute, but I didn't care. I just held my son close and looked up into the sky, searching for some sign of my husband. Feeling something covering my hand, I looked over to see Paige kneeling next to me, her hand on mine, and her free hand on Wyatt's shoulder. I sighed, and then leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes.

"I just needed some fresh air," I mumbled.

"Wyatt too?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Wyatt too." We sat in silence for a moment, and then I opened my eyes and looked at Paige. "I'm fine…It's okay," I told her as she picked up Wyatt and walked around the deck, finally stopping in front of me as I stood up. "It's just…well, you weren't here then…but when I first developed the power to blow things up…well, I freaked out. My powers were out of control and I was blowing things up all the time. I really was dangerous to be around… So, I locked myself in my room and was using this guru tape to try to relax…Leo orbbed in and surprised me, making me blow up my guru…" My eyes teared up as I said this and I looked down as tears threatened to overflow from my eyes. "I told him to go away…that I wasn't safe…But he sat down next to me anyway and put his arms around me. He convinced me to come out of our room and continue my life…He wasn't afraid…" I looked up at Paige, and her face showed me that she felt guilty and sorry.

"Piper…I'm so sorry…I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me?"

"No, please don't feel responsible Paige. It's not you fault," I told her as I sat down again and she sat beside me. "It's just a memory that came to mind after we started. I haven't even thought about it since the day it happened…"

"Yeah, I know how memories like those can pop into your head when you least expect them," she said, I smiled over at her as I dried my eyes and regained my composure.

"I'm sorry Paige, I know you were just trying to help. I really shouldn't get so worked up. The memories I have with Leo should make me stronger…not weaker. I'll try harder. Can we start again? I know I can get it this time." 

"Sure," Paige answered, and we both got up and went back inside. After putting Wyatt down into his playpen and turning on the TV again, I followed Paige upstairs and we both sat down on the floor. She turned the music on as I got situated, and we started again. 

"Okay…now take a deep breath…1…2…3…okay, now release," she told me, and this time I concentrated and let nothing else distract me. "Okay, good," she told me. "Now…repeat…" And I followed Paige's lead as we breathed in and out with the music. My mind slowly cleared, and soon the only thing I felt was the beat of my heart, the movement of my chest as it moved up and down, and the nothingness in my mind. My body was in a cycle, and as I continued the breathing it became automatic to my mind. A loud noise broke me from my trance, and my eyes popped open and looked around. The music had stopped playing and Paige was no longer in the room. Glancing at the clock, I saw that it read six o'clock! I had been in my trance for a long time!...probably asleep for most of it. Slowly getting up, I stretched my stiff arms and legs and then picked up both mats and put them in the corner of my room with the rest of Paige's stuff. Then, after taking a few breaths, I exited my room and walked downstairs. I found both Paige and Phoebe in the kitchen with a fed and happy Wyatt.

"Hey girl!" Phoebe said, giving me a smile. "You must've fallen fast asleep." I shook my head, still confused about what had happened, and looked at Paige.

"It's okay hun, don't worry about it. I heard Wyatt fussing through the baby monitor and didn't want to disturb you. Phoebe just got home." I nodded, sitting down next to Phoebe at the table while Paige continued to clean up Wyatt's dinner. "How do you feel?" she then asked, looking over to me.

"Actually…very relaxed," I replied with a smile, and then turned to Phoebe. "Paige was meditating with me," I told her. "I think I got into it a little too much though…" I said, smiling at my sisters, and Paige laughed. 

"There's no such thing," she told me. "You just looked so peaceful…I didn't want to disturb you. I'm sorry I probably broke you out of it when I dropped Wyatt's bottle."

"That's alright," I said. "I was getting stiff from sitting on the ground anyways." Paige nodded at my remark and then sat down across from Phoebe and me.

"So, what do you two want to do for dinner?" she asked, and I shrugged as Phoebe got up to pick Wyatt up from his highchair.

"I don't care," she said, bringing him over to the table with us. "I just want to spend some time with this little guy." I smiled at her comment and watched Wyatt giggle as Phoebe talked to him in her little baby voice.

"Well, I'm just going to order a pizza," Paige said, reaching for the phone. "You'll both want some, cause tomorrow I'm going shopping and we're going to eat healthy from now on."

"What?" Phoebe asked, lifting her head at the word 'healthy' and talking in her regular voice.

"It's better for our bodies to eat healthier," Paige explained, and Phoebe and I looked at each other in shock as Mrs. Lollipop herself talked 'healthy' to us. "Also, healthy foods have proven to help people feel more lively and happier." Oh…so this was a ploy to get me to feel better…Well, I guess if it would help…

"Whatever," Phoebe said, turning back to Wyatt. "I can eat all the junk I want at work anyways." Paige rolled her eyes at this remark as she got up to call the pizza place and I smiled at Phoebe and Wyatt. At least I knew that if one day I couldn't be here, he'd have a loving and happy home with her, and with Paige too. It made me feel more secure and safe...And those were good feelings.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	5. Dark Void

You Still Have All of Me

Part 5

By: Silverstar

I hope you're all enjoying. I know this story doesn't have very much action, but I want to concentrate on Piper's feelings, and hopefully a certain someone else's feelings as well ^__^ Please review!

Disclaimer: I, very sadly, don't owned Charmed.

~~~~~

Slowly...very slowly...the days went by. They went by until it was a month after my first visit to the doctor. I still went weekly to see her, and one of my sisters would always go with me, but I didn't speak to either of them about what happened in those sessions. Actually, I didn't know much myself. Somehow...and I don't know how, Dr. Rune always managed to get me to open up. We just talked casualty, and I felt at ease with her. Maybe it was the fact that she didn't know me very well, having no connection to my family, and therefore could give me an outsider's opinion and perspective. She never told me how I should be feeling or that something was wrong with me, but she helped me examine why I was feeling what I was feeling. We talked about ways to get past those feeling...and sometimes I would just talk about Wyatt and my sisters. I somehow created a friend in my doctor, and found myself looking forward to my Wednesday sessions with her. Of course, I couldn't tell her about the magical aspects of my marriage, but my problems weren't magical. They were emotional.

I think my sisters seemed to notice the slight change in me as well, and as the weeks went by they seemed less over protective towards me. They gave me more space, and by the end of the month things seemed to go back to normal. The medication finally kicked in after about a week, and worked most of the time...but there were still times when I felt horrible. Paige and Phoebe learned to just give me space when those moods hit me, and often they'd last all day. At these times I'd usually retreat to my room to meditate, and often I'd even go to P3 to try to distract myself. Paige warns me not to drive when I feel that way, but I find it helps me to calm my nerves. Anyway, it seems like I'm getting better mostly. A majority of each day is spent with a clear mind, and I'm able to do work, take care of myself better, and most importantly, take care of Wyatt better. Days are still hard, but bearable. And, best of all, I haven't had a dream in three weeks. With a better night's sleep, I find myself less susceptible to periods of depression throughout the day. Something did bother me though...was the medication doing all of the work...or was I really moving on? Should I still be feeling the loss of Leo in the way I had before? Was the medication just a fake way of getting better? These questions milled through my head daily as I took care of Wyatt and managed the club. Robert, the new employee this month, was also a reminder for me of Leo. His resemblance was remarkable, and just a glance at him had me thinking these questions all over again. What would Leo say if he were around? Dr. Rune told me that dwelling on these 'what ifs' was a waste of time and energy, but I couldn't help but wonder. 

Hearing Phoebe call out my name, I pushed away these thoughts, and looked up from the paperwork I had been reading for P3.

"What is it?" I asked, seeing Phoebe rush into the kitchen with the phone. 

"It's Julie," Phoebe answered, referring to the manager of my club.

"Hello?" I said into the phone as I watched Phoebe open the refrigerator to scrounge for food.

"Piper? Thank God!" Julie said, urgency and relief in her voice. "I need you down here. There's a huge line outside and two employees called out. The doors open in twenty-five minutes, and I don't have enough staff."

"Say no more," I said, glancing at the clock to see that it was getting close to seven, the time that the club usually opened. "I'll be there as soon as I can," I said, and hung up to her 'Thank Yous.' "Phoebe, I have to get down at the club tonight. Do you think you could pick Wyatt up for me at his playgroup?" I asked. I should have picked him up an hour ago, but I had lost track of time.

"Sure," Phoebe said, looking disappointed that I wouldn't be making dinner. 

"Thanks," I said, and grabbing P3's papers, my jacket, and my purse, I was out the door. Fifteen minutes later, thanks to a lot of speeding and close calls, I made it to P3 with a little time to spare before the doors opened. Julie was glad to see me, and I immediately began giving the limited staff instructions before going to check on the band. It was a new group that had been a hit with a few other clubs around town, and because of that they had a small San Francisco following. With the band set up and everything in order, I went to my place behind the bar with Julie. 

The night was busy, and by ten o'clock I was exhausted. The medication I was on did nothing for my energy level, and I still got tired very easily. I longed to go home, but I couldn't until the night was over. With only a few staff members, I was needed. Around eleven thirty there was a short break at the bar as the band started playing a 'favorite' song, and so I was able to take a look at some paperwork in my office for a short break. Looking over the sign-in sheet, I noticed that Robert was suppose to work tonight...He was one of the employees who had called out. Hmmmnnn...he hadn't seemed like the kind to call out when I hired him...of course, Leo hadn't seemed like the kind to walk out on me either. The thought popped into my head before I could do anything to stop it, and I soon found myself sinking into dark thoughts. With my head pounding and stomach feeling a little queasy, I wanted nothing more than to go home and lie down...but alas, I had to go back out and help my manager run the club. With a sigh and a heavy dark feeling weighing on my heart, I stood up and made my way back to the bar. 

The band played till one, and around one thirty most of the customers were gone. I sent Julie and the rest of my employees home and began cleaning up as the bouncer let the remaining customers out of the club at two AM. As I was left alone, locked behind the safe doors of my Club, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I let my tears fall freely as I wiped up the tables and swept up the floor. No medication could keep me from feeling, and at that time I felt defeated. My life at this point was work and Wyatt...I didn't talk with my sisters as much as I use to, and Leo was long gone. Even my life as a witch was fading. There hadn't been an attack since Leo left, and there was probably a reason for that. They could sense my weakness...I wasn't a threat anymore. My life was fading with my fading husband. 

It wasn't till three when I finished cleaning up the club and made my way out to the car and home. The roads were almost vacant, and with little traffic I was home quickly. As I opened the door of the Manor, I took note of the silence and the darkness around me. Things really were going back to normal. Phoebe and Paige weren't waiting up for me anymore...no lights were being left on for me...they thought everything was okay. I smiled, glad that they were no longer worried or anxious in their feelings. Setting my jacket and purse down in the front hallway, I walked into the kitchen and turned on a light. It illuminated my surroundings just enough so that I could see where I was going, not that I needed the light. I had memorized the places of every object in the kitchen from my nightly pursuits of tea or water, but the light gave me some sense of comfort. It was my safety net, because in the light it was harder for my dark feelings of sorrow to find me. After taking a few deep breaths I calmly made myself some tea and headed upstairs. The silence suited my mood, and as I walked into my room, a warm cup of tea in my hands, I felt comfort in shedding a few tears. I saw that Wyatt's crib wasn't there, and knew that Phoebe had him in her room. She always took him whenever I was out late so that I wouldn't wake him. Actually finding some comfort in his absence for once, I stripped myself of my clothes and got into my pajamas. Not bothering to brush my teeth or wash my face, I got into bed and sat up, slowly drinking my tea. At four o'clock I set my empty mug down and snuggled fully under the covers of my bed. Exhausted and miserable, I drifted off to sleep.

Groggily opening my eyes, I shifted in bed to look at the clock. Squinting, I made out that it was ten. Sighing heavily, I turned back over and shut my eyes. I knew I had to get up. I had to take care of Wyatt...

"Piper?" I heard the door to my room slowly creak open and I inwardly groaned at the inconvenience. Opening one of my eyes slightly, I saw that Phoebe was standing next to my bed looking down at me.

"Yeah?" I muttered up at her as I closed my eyes again.

"I guess you didn't get home till late," she said, and I grunted in response. "I just wanted to know if you were getting up. I'm going into the office today and Paige was going to go shopping for some interview outfits. She wanted me to tell you that she'd wait for you if you wanted to go with her." I was silent and Phoebe continued. "We were going to meet up for lunch and maybe see a movie later today, it being Saturday and the only day we ever have some free time to spend together."

"Phoebe..." I said groggily, opening both eyes slightly and looking over at her. "I'm just...really tired...I just need some sleep," I said. I think she saw the exhaustion in my features and probably guessed that I wasn't feeling too good, because her features softened and she nodded at me with understanding in her eyes.

"Yeah, sure. I'll take Wyatt to Morris' and we'll bring dinner home later for all of us." Relieved that she was finally leaving, I rolled over in response and listened as Phoebe quietly left the room. A few seconds later, I was sleeping again. The fatigue and low feelings that I had gone to sleep with, woken up with, and again fallen asleep with continued to effect me. Two hours later I woke with a memory of a man in the distance and darkness devouring me. Opening my eyes, I thought back to my dream as my breathing eased, and shook my head in protest of it.

"No..." I whispered, getting up from my tangled bed sheets. "No!" I shouted louder, falling to my knees and letting a few tears escape down my cheeks. "Why am I having these dreams now...again...Why is He haunting me?" Getting up shakily, I made my way into the bathroom to get a shower, and returned to my room a half hour later to get dressed. Still finding my hands shaking, I pulled on some warm clothes and made my way to the kitchen. Upon entering, I saw the pill bottle sitting on top of the cabinet I kept it on. Looking down at my hands, my eyes widened, and I stared back up at the bottle. I...I hadn't taken my medicine last light...or this morning...that was it! Before I could think, I ran towards the cabinet and snatched the bottle down. Emotions overwhelming me, I struggled with the childproof lid until I flung the bottle to the ground in desperation. Falling to the ground myself, I sat there for a few moments breathing heavily with my hands covering my face. Five minutes later I slowly took my hands away and stared at the bottle. Reaching out, I slowly picked it up and calmly twisted the lid open. Inside was my relief. As I stood up I turned the bottle to its side in an attempt to pour out a few pills, and I gasped as it's whole contents spilled onto the counter. Looking behind me, I waited for anyone the come into the kitchen, but no one did. That's right...I was alone. With this thought my eyes widened as I realized I was becoming paranoid again...All because of a hard night and the absence of a few pills? It seemed strange to me, but easily fixable. As I bent forward to sweep the pills back into the bottle a thought struck me. I'd just take a few more pills than usual...it would do me good, and get me out of the terrible mood I was in. I hadn't felt like this since before my sisters took me to Doctor Rune, and I didn't like it. The more pills I took, the quicker my dark feelings would subside. Grabbing a handful of pills, I dropped them into my mouth and washed them down with water before swiping the rest back into the bottle and placing it back on top of the cabinet. 

Ten minutes later, as I was finishing up making my tea, my head started to pound. Still, Leo was the farthest from my thoughts, and for that I was grateful. Feeling better, besides the headache, I made my way towards the couch. Only, when I was walking through the front foyer, my legs began to feel unsteady and the ground started to spin. Holding my head with my free hand, I dropped my tea mug and fell to my knees. As the mug fell the glass shattered and cut into me as I fell on top of it. With a final blurry look around me, I fell the remainder of the way to the floor, onto the sharp glass, and sunk into the comfort of unconsciousness.

Colors surrounded me...blue...purple...yellow...and...black...I sunk into a black void and looked up at an approaching shadow. Coming closer...and closer...and closer...until the black figure was right next to me, but I could not see who it was. It was calling something...something my mind refused to hear...

"...Piper...hear my voice...listen to me..." I looked up at the figure as I heard a man's voice...a voice that was so familiar to me, yet so distant. In a second white light emanated from him, and when I opened my eyes I was no longer in a black void. A white mist surrounded me, and in front of me stood Leo. It was different then my other dreams...he wasn't running, I wasn't falling, and I felt no pain or fatigue. I stood there, staring at him with no emotion for some time. Still...I had to be dreaming. I'd begged for him to return to me so many other times and he had never appeared. The closest I could get to him was our son. "...Piper...Do you hear me?" he asked. "I was having trouble reaching you...but you finally heard me!" I stared at him for another second, taking all of this in, before realizing what I had done. In a moment of emotion and madness, I had taken a handful of medication and collapsed.

"..Leo...?" I said tentatively. 

"Yeah, it's me," he said, holding his hands out towards me. There was nothing I wanted to do more than run into them, but instead I took a step backwards. Anger rose up inside of me at his sudden appearance, and I wanted nothing more than to get out of his sight. "Stay away from me you bastard," I said fiercely, eying him with distrust. Leo didn't move or react to what I had said, but I saw his pain and another emotion in his eyes...pity?...love?...I couldn't tell. It was so Leo-like...it was the whitelighter in him. No reaction...but every emotion possible coming out of his eyes...and right now, all of that emotion was being directed towards me. Seeing his pain softened me for a moment, until I remembered all the pain he had put me through, and therefore my sisters and our son through.

"Piper...please, hear me out," he said softly, dropping his hands that had been raised out towards me. 

"D-...Do..." I started, looking at my feet as I sorted through my thoughts and feelings. "Do you even realize the amount of pain and agony you have put me through?!" I finally shouted, looking up at him with fire in my eyes. "Do you?! I couldn't eat...couldn't sleep...I couldn't even take care of Wyatt the way he needed me to! Paige and Phoebe had to take me to a shrink...A SHRINK! They were that worried and I was that messed up! Hell, I still am messed up! Of course, you probably already knew that considering where I am right now. DO YOU REALIZE HOW MESSED UP I AM?!" Yelling over at Leo, I slowly dropped to the ground, and a moment later I felt his arms around me. "No...don't..." I cried, trying to push him away, but he held on too tightly. Giving in, I sobbed into his shoulder as he pulled my dark hair out of my face and kissed my head. Eventually my sobbing quieted and I snuggled in close to him as he rubbed my back. I knew I shouldn't...I knew it was bad for my mental health...but I still let myself be happy with him. I knew he'd leave, and I'd be left feeling even more awful and more depressed, but at that moment, I didn't care. His strong arms felt so reassuring around me, and I held tight to him and let that comfort wash over me. 

"Do you feel better now?" he asked, and I looked up at his gentle eyes.

"A little..." I replied before looking away.

"You know we have to talk," he said, using his hand to turn my face to look at him. 

"I know," I replied. "And I don't care, as long as I'm in your arms." I saw him looking down at me, watching, and I knew that whatever he had to say wouldn't be good in the long run. Still, I waited.

"Piper...right now...well, you may have already guessed it, but you're not in the best of shape."

"Yeah...I remember...I remember..." I whispered, thinking back on the pills. "Those pills...they were suppose to help me...sustain me...but..."

"Shhh...don't think back on that now," Leo said gently. "What I'm here for is put you back...back on your rightful path..." My eyes widened and my breathing stopped at this statement as I turned completely around to face my husband. Looking into his eyes, I backed out of his arms and away from him.

"You mean...my path...without you," I spat, my eyes glaring at him. 

"Pi-"

"No, Leo!" I said fiercely. "You can't just come back to me like this and play with my head...and my heart! I won't allow it. Tell me...why are you here?! Just tell me and get it over with so that you can leave me again to suffer!"

"I don't want you to suffer Piper...I...I want you to live."

"Well, I am living Leo...and right now I think I'd be happier with death," I spat.

"You don't mean that." Leo countered, and I looked down at my feet. "Piper...right now you are hovering between life and death, and only your strong heart can pull you through this. I've come to set you back on track...to make sure you come out of this, because you can't die yet. It's not your time." I looked up at my husband, who was now standing over me, reaching his hand down towards mine. Slowly, I placed mine into his and allowed him to pull me up.

"Leo...Don't you know what has been going on with me?" I asked, tears forming in my eyes. "I suffer...and every day I wish for only one thing...You." Reaching up my hand, I placed it on his cheek as I looked into his eyes.

"Don't you think I feel the same way?" he asked, and for the first time I saw tears in his eyes as well. "Everyday I suffer...and then I look down to see you in so much pain. I've longed to comfort you...but now as an Elder I am bound even more strongly to the rules that we fought so hard to break. I come to you now because the council has let me, and I have so much to say to you..."

"But you don't know where to begin," I whispered, and he nodded as he put his hands on either side of my face and brought my lips to his. We were both crying when my lips finally slipped off his and our faces were so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek.

"Piper...I-"

"Don't," I said quickly, but calmly. "It will just make it harder."

"I want you to know," Leo continued as he pulled me into his arms. "I love you Piper, and nothing will ever change that."

"I...I love you too," I replied, a new set of tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Please remember Piper, that even though I can't be with you right now, I'm always watching you. Please live on so that I may live through your happiness."

"I'll try," I replied with a sniff as I hugged him tighter. "But it's hard without you."

"It's hard for me without you too," he said, and my face twisted with pain at his words as I backed away to look up at him.

"If it's as hard for you as it is for me, how can you stand to leave?" I asked. "Didn't you think that a meeting like this...would just pull up old memories and give rise to renewed feelings of sorrow?" After a some hesitation, Leo answered.

"I knew it would...but I also knew that you needed another chance, and that without support, you'd slip away. By entering your subconscious I can share my life force with you until your heart is strong and resolute enough to continue on its own."

"It will never be strong enough..." I replied, stepping away and turning my back to Leo. "Leo...I know you want me to live on, but don't you think it might be better this way?" I asked.

"No Piper," he said sternly. "Your life could never be better with death, and neither could the lives of those around you. Think of your sisters...think of your son." With my thoughts turning back to the real world, I turned to Leo, realizing my selfishness.

"You're right," I replied. "But...I don't know how I'll find the strength, knowing that you're out there, but never being able to be in your arms."

"Find the strength in your love of your family," Leo replied, and I wiped the remaining tears away from my eyes as he stepped forward to give me one last hug. "Promise me you'll try," he whispered in my ear.

"I...I promise," I replied as I brushed my lips against his and we shared one last gentle kiss. "Will I ever see you again...?" I asked as our lips broke and I took another look into his passionate gentle eyes.

"I can promise you that," Leo replied. "One day, I'm not sure when, we'll see each other again, and I want you at your full health on that day. You must promise me that."

"I promise," I whispered again, and kept my eyes on his as he floated up and away, eventually leaving me to a dark void and unconsciousness.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	6. No Place Like Home

You Still Have All of Me

Part 6

By: Silverstar

I hope everyone liked that Piper/Leo moment, and I assure you that there are more to come. Thanks for your feedback!

Disclaimer: Charmed isn't mine...

~~~~~

beep...beep...Beep...Beep...BEEP...BEEP...Uhhh...what was that annoying noise...trying to find the strength to open my eyelids, I noticed the pounding ache in my head, only worsened by that horrendous beeping. Taking a small breath, I attempted to relax and think. What had...Remembering my encounter with Leo, I quickly opened my eyes to look around. Bad idea. The light was blinding, worsening my headache, and I quickly shut my eyes again. From what I had seen...I was...I was in a hospital. That's right...the pills...At this memory, thoughts of my sisters raced through my head and a dread formed in the bottom of my stomach. How could I face them? They must've been so worried. As I sat in silence, listening to the beeping equipment around me, I thought back on Leo. He hadn't been angry at my actions...and when I had looked into his eyes, I had seen something similar to understanding. He knew why I did what I did, and he didn't blame me for it. He felt the same way as me...and maybe had had similar urges to do what I had...but he understood the bigger picture. He held on because he was an Elder, a husband, and a father. He still had to look after us, even if it was from afar. I had to live by his example. It would be hard...but...he was still living despite the pain I had seen in his eyes.

As I thought on Leo I felt tears forming under my eyelids, and an overwhelming want for my sisters came over me. Placing my hands over my eyes, I began to cry softly. I cried for my loss and my weakness...I cried for my husband and my son...and I cried for my sisters, wanting their kind words and gentle smiles so badly. Not much time had passed before my thoughts ceased as I felt someone placing their hands over mine. Allowing the person to lift them from my tear-filled eyes and wet cheeks, I opened my eyes and saw above me my littlest sister. She smiled down gently at me, and when I saw what I had been wanting...when I saw her reassurance...I slowly smiled in relief. A second later her arms were around me and I cried in relief as I hugged her back.

"Paige..." I began, a smile on my face as I saw the weary but glad expression in her eyes. "I...I'm so sorry...I...I don't know what-"

"Shhh," Paige said softly, silencing me. "It's okay, you don't have to give excuses to me." Leaning back, she looked into my eyes and then began to laugh as tears fell down her cheeks. "I'm...I'm just so happy that you're okay..." she whispered while wiping the tears off of her face. "I was...I was so worried."

"No...Paige..." I started, but she stopped me with the movement of her hand and sighed in content. 

"I don't want to hear it. You've taken care of me since I've become a part of your family...and now I will take care of you."

"Paige...you tried before...and it...it didn't work. It's time to let me take care of myself...or at least try." She smiled at my words, but then shook her head. 

"Nope, I'm not going to leave you alone. Phoebe and I weren't watchful enough. We failed you as sisters, and we won't do it again. No matter what you do, you will have our overwhelming help and support." I smiled at these words, and again broke down into tears.

"When I woke up...all I wanted was to hear that from you...and from Phoebe. I wanted to see you...and wrap my arms around my little sisters. Paige...thank you..." I collapsed into her arms again as she leaned back next to me and soon my tears ceased. "Paige...where is Phoebe...?" I asked, wiping my eyes as she got up from my bed and walked over to open a window and let in the morning air and sunlight.

"She'll be here soon," Paige replied, turning to face me. "Piper...we were so worried about you. When we walked in the house and saw you lying unconscious in a heap on the floor...shattered glass...and you were bleeding...we didn't know what to think. The doctors said you overdosed...and all I could think was, why hadn't I seen the signs...?...why hadn't I watched you more carefully...?...We thought we might lose you...and we didn't know what to do...But around three last night, the doctors told us you were recovering. Piper...you don't know how relieved..." She stopped as she turned to look out the window, and when she turned towards me again there were tears in her eyes. "Anyway, I sent Phoebe home in a taxi and then left here around seven this morning to take a shower. She should be here soon. She was going to leave home soon after me." I smiled at this news, but with all of the excitement I had forgotten my condition. Shifting around and sitting up had made my head pound, and in a second I was holding my stomach. "Are you okay?" Paige said suddenly, coming towards me with concern.

"Yeah..." I managed to get out before putting my hand to my mouth. Getting the hint, Paige pushed the "Call Nurse" button and raced to the bathroom in search of a bucket. She made it back in time, but I found myself only gagging as my stomach heaved back and forth. The nurse came in a second later, and upon seeing the predicament, rushed towards me to hold my hair back.

"She'll be fine," I heard her saying to my sister. Two long and terrible minutes later, my stomach quieted and I laid back in exhaustion. "Ms. Halliwell, I see you've woken up," the nurse said, placing her cool hand on my forehead as she looked me over and read some of the instruments to my left. "It's normal for you to feel dizzy or nauseous for a few days. We had to pump your stomach lest night." She looked at me for a second and then turned to Paige. "It's a good sign that she's woken up so soon," I heard her say to my sister. "It's important to keep her awake and alert..." I heard her say again to my sister as my eyes started to close in exhaustion and fatigue.

"Piper!" I heard Paige say loudly, and my eyes jolted open as I looked around.

"Wha...What's the matter?" I asked, looking around for the cause of her loudness, contributing to my headache.

"Piper honey, the nurse said you need to stay awake so the doctor can look you over," I heard her say, but I shook my head as my eyes began to close again...

"Piper!" I heard a familiar voice shout, and ignoring my pounding head and queasy stomach, I opened my eyes to see Phoebe rushing towards me. Smiling at the sight of my other sister, I laughed a little as she rushed to sit down next to me and wrap her arms around me. I repeated the gesture and buried my head into her shoulder. "Piper...you're okay..." I heard her whisper as I felt her tears on the back of my neck.

"Phoebs..." I said, at a loss for words. Emotions rushed through me, and while I was in her arms I couldn't think of the reason for my actions the night before. A minute later Phoebe leaned back to look me over and smiled down at me. 

"How do you feel?" she asked, and I looked gratefully into her eyes. She doesn't care...she isn't angry about yesterday...all she wants is my health...my life.

"I expect she isn't feeling too well," a voice said, and looking over, I saw a tall man in a long crisp white coat standing in the doorway. "Hello Piper, I'm Doctor Wells. Ms. Mathews, Ms. Halliwell, we've met before," he said, nodding over at them. I watched as Phoebe got up and moved over to the other side of the room with Paige and Doctor Wells walked over to my bed with a clipboard in his hand. "Let's check you out," he said kindly, smiling down at me...a healing smile and presence that reminded me of Leo. I watched as he checked my pulse and listened to my breathing. Then he shined light into my eyes as he watched my pupils' reaction. "Piper, do you remember what happened?" he asked, and I nodded, looking down as I did so. "Are you confused in any way?" he then asked, and I shook my head 'no' again. "Good, no memory loss, so it seems," he said, writing something on his clipboard, and then reaching over to turn off my heart monitor. I waited as he asked me to open my mouth and he looked down my throat. It felt sore, but he seemed satisfied. "Now I have to check your stomach," he said gently, and I let him pull down my blankets and the pull up my hospital gown to see my stomach. I was surprised at how swollen and bruised it looked. A little frightened, I held myself still as Doctor Wells reached out and softly placed his hands on it. He slowly felt it, putting pressure on certain areas and I winced in pain. "It's alright Piper, it's just swollen from when we pumped it last night and from the medicine we gave you. The combination may make you feel sick for a day or so," he explained. "It seems to be on its way to healing," he then said, pulling the blankets back over me as I pulled down my gown.

"Is she alright?" I head Phoebe ask, and I looked over to see a worried expression on her face. She must've seen my swollen and bruised stomach.

"Your sister will be fine," Doctor Wells said, beckoning my sisters over as he wrote something down on his clipboard. "She may feel sick from the pumping we did to her stomach and the medicine we gave her, and she'll probably be very tired for a few days, but with nourishment and sleep she'll fully recover. I'm actually surprised at how quickly she woke up," he said, turning to my sisters. "Her prescription was strong and she took a good amount of it." My sisters just nodded as I looked down, ashamed and upset at my actions. "She should be okay to leave in a day or so," I heard the doctor say as tears came to my eyes and my sisters walked with him out into the hallway. "I'll be back later today to check on her progress." As Doctor Wells left the room with my sisters I let my tears fall, and when Phoebe reentered the room a moment later she rushed over to me in surprise and concern.

"Are you okay Piper? Are you in any pain?" she asked, placing her hand on my forehead as I shook my head.

"I...I'm just...so ashamed," I replied between sobs. "I...I didn't know...I didn't mean to..."

"Shhhh shhhhhh," Phoebe said softly as she pulled me into her arms and brushed my hair out of my face.

"Piper...it's over and done with. Now all we can look to is the future. Don' think about yesterday...alright? Put it behind you and think about getting well. It's alright if you're confused...if you're scared...because those are only natural feelings. Let yourself feel them, but don't dwell on them. Paige and I are here now, and nothing will happen to you." My tears ceased as Phoebe spoke, and I closed my eyes with contentment as she gently held me close to her. The last think I remembered was her soft even breathing before my eyes closed and I fell asleep.

When I opened my eyes again the room was dark and the silence was a comfort to me and my aching insides. Glancing down, I saw a hand held around mine, and when I looked to my left I noticed a figure slouched over in a chair next to my bed...It was Phoebe. My heart swelled at the site, and I wished with all of my heart that she wouldn't put herself through this for me...but another part of me was grateful for her presence, and I squeezed her hand slightly in thanks. My movement awakened her, and I watched as she opened her eyes and looked up at me.

"Piper...You're awake," she said with a yawn, and I nodded. "Are you okay?" she then asked, and I winced.

"Yeah...my stomach just hurts a little," I responded. "But don't bother yourself with me. Shouldn't you be at home in bed?" No matter how much I appreciated having her near me, I knew it wasn't healthy for her. Phoebe just looked at me for a second before picking up my hand with both of hers and shaking it a little.

"My place is here with you as long as you need me," she whispered, and I smiled sadly at her words.

"Phoebs-"

"No," she cut off immediately. "I know you, and I know you aren't ready yet. Go back to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up." I looked up again at my little sister and admired her strength. Why couldn't I be that strong? The only answer I could think of was that it was because I'd never had to deal with anything like this before. As I closed my eyes I thought back on how Phoebe was when she was younger. She left us and went to New York...By herself and not a word for months. What had she gone through there?...grieving by herself and trying to find her way...Luckily she found it back home. That's what I would focus on...home.

When I woke up in the morning Phoebe was still in her place next to me, but she wasn't asleep this time. She greeted me with warmth from the moment my eyes were open and immediately called the nurse. Before I knew it Doctor Wells was checking over me again. Tired and wanting to go home, I tried my best to show that I still wasn't in pain...but the doctor wasn't fooled.

"Doctor, can I please go home?" I asked, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

"I would really feel more comfortable if you stayed for one more night Ms. Halliwell," the doctor told me, but I shook my head.

"My sisters will take very good care of me," I promised, and Phoebe agreed. "Please, I really want to get home to my son," I said at last, and Phoebe looked surprised at my mention of him. I hadn't spoken Wyatt's name since waking up, but he was always in my mind. Leo had sent me back not only for my sisters, but for Wyatt as well. I couldn't let either of the men in my life down. The doctor seemed to soften at the mention of a son, and then looked directly at Phoebe.

"You will bring her immediately if anything changes or if her condition worsens?" he asked, and Phoebe nodded immediately. "Then I'll go get the release papers," he sighed, and I smiled at my victory. With a call home Paige was soon at the hospital with some clothes for me and Phoebe's signature allowed for me to leave. After getting dressed I found my sisters sitting in some chairs down the hall. They stood as I came towards them and immediately both wrapped one arm around my shoulders. With a sister on either side, I walked outside towards Phoebe's car and climbed into the backseat with Paige. There was silence as we drove, and I looked out the car window as we made our way home. Everything was so familiar, yet so different. Everything looked new and different to my eyes because I decided to look at everything in a new light. I had to...or I could sink back into the depression that had resulted in my hospitalization.

When the car pulled up into our driveway I quickly unbuckled my seat belt and made my way to the front door with my sisters. They told me that Wyatt was at Morris', but that he was bringing Wyatt over later in the afternoon. I nodded as I looked around the foyer and noticed its cleanliness. Phoebe and Paige had cleaned up my mess.

"Come on, let's get you upstairs," Phoebe said, and I let her lead me up to my room. "The doctor said you had to rest for a few days, and so it shall be." I sighed in defeat at these words, having no energy to object, and changed into pajamas before getting into bed and pulling the covers up around me. "Now, what can I do for you?" Phoebe asked once I was situated, and I just smiled faintly at her.

"I'm fine Phoebs," I told her, but she refused to believe me.

"Do you feel up to eating? I'll make you some soup," she then said, and walked out of the room in a hurry, rushing to the kitchen. Seconds later Paige appeared with an armful of blankets and some tea. I thanked her as she piled another blanket on top of me and put the tea on the nightstand by the side of my bed. 

"Phoebe's getting you something to eat," she told me as she sat down on the end of my bed. "Is there anything you need?" she then asked.

"Just some aspirin," I replied, holding my stomach with one hand and my tea with the other.

"Sure thing," Paige said hurriedly, rushing to the bathroom with an "I should have thought of that" expression. When she returned I took the medicine and then leaned back into my pillows and sighed. "What is it?" Paige asked, but I just shook my head.

"Nothing...just glad to be home," I said, giving her a smile. Our conversation was broken when Phoebe entered with a bowl of soup and sat it down on my lap. They watched as I ate some of it, but half way through my stomach started to feel queasy, and I thought it best not to finish. At my request they took the soup away and left me to rest quietly and peacefully in my room. The silence was refreshing and I allowed myself to think of nothing and drift into a restless sleep. When I woke up hours later the room was still empty and my heart sunk with emptiness as well. The high I had been on from speaking with Leo was gone...and with my mind back to normal, I found it starting to sink into depression again. I wondered what would happen if I took some more pills again? If I took too many, would I be able to see Leo again? The thought slipped into my mind before I could stop it, and when I realized what I had suggested I became terribly afraid. I still wasn't quite sure what I was thinking that day when I took a handful of pills, but I never thought of myself as suicidal before. These thoughts drifted into my head after only a few days of being awake...I wasn't even fully recovered. Shaking in fear of myself, I slowly got up, ignoring the dizziness I felt, and made my way out of my room and down the hall. Finding neither of my sisters in their rooms, I walked towards the stairs and started down.

"Phoebe...?" I called out in a whisper, wanting desperately to see her. As I rounded the last step my foot got caught behind the other in my hurry. Holding my hands out in instinct to brace the fall, I fell to my feet in a heap. Upon hearing the noise my sisters came rushing from the sunroom to see what had happened. Both rushed immediately towards me when they saw me on the ground, and as the helped me up Paige let me lean on her shoulder. I could tell she felt my shaking body because she immediately led me over to the couch to sit down while Phoebe went to get me a glass of water.

"What's wrong?" Paige asked, pulling my hair out of my eyes and lifting my eyes up to meet hers. I looked at her for a moment before silently leaning forward and placing my head on her shoulder. Surprised, Paige wrapped her arms around me and stayed quiet and still until Phoebe returned. I felt Phoebe's hand on my shoulder a few seconds later and reluctantly turned to take my water from her. She looked concerned...but I was too shaken up to care about the looks she was sharing with Paige. I just took a sip of my water and then handed it back to her.

"Piper honey," Paige said gently, turning me towards her. "What are you doing up? You should have stayed in bed."

"I know," I replied, giving her a helpless look. "But...when I woke up..." Not wanting to tell my sisters my true thoughts, I looked at both of them and sighed. "...When I woke up I needed you," I finally said, hoping it would be enough. Phoebe seemed convinced that nothing was terribly wrong, but Paige still looked at me steadily in the eyes.

"What did you need us for?" she asked gently, and I suddenly became irritated, feeling that she was treating me like I was a child. Surprised at this thought and knowing that Paige was only trying to help, I decided it was probably best to just not say anything, and I looked down and kept my mouth shut.

"Piper?" Phoebe then asked, and I knew I had to tell them something.

"I...I just needed the company," I told her, which was true. When I was alone my mind had more time to wander and think things that I didn't want to be thinking. Satisfied for the moment, Paige forced me to lay back as she covered me with a blanket. I didn't object, just happy to be in the presence of my sisters without having them ask any questions. Phoebe turned on the TV to one of my favorite soap operas "Days of Our Lives" and both Paige and her sat down next to me to watch it. 

I dozed off towards the end of the show, and around two thirty I awoke to the sound of knocking at our front door. Phoebe was sitting next to me on the couch reading, and I looked over to see Paige head towards the door from where she had been in the kitchen. I watched groggily as Paige opened the door, but my eyes opened wide when I saw who was behind it. I stretched and bent my neck and head to see more clearly, and a slow smile spread across my face at the sight of Darryl holding Wyatt. Paige talked with him for a few moments before Phoebe got up and walked over. I wanted to get up as well, but Phoebe gave me a 'move-and-die' look, probably remembering what had happened this morning when I had gotten up. Sighing in frustration, I waited as my sisters spoke to Darryl. Finally, Paige took Wyatt into her arms, and while Phoebe was saying goodbye to our friend, Paige brought him over into the living room. At the sight of me his little face turned into a giant smile, and I smiled as he started clapping his hands and then reaching them over towards me. Paige handed him over, and I cannot explain my emotions when he was put into my arms. Suddenly, every thought and emotion from the past days disappeared, and the only thing I felt was my love for this one child, and his love for me. I understood that I was here for him, and only him, and if I wasn't here then he would go on in the world never knowing the love of a parent. Smiling at my son as tears came to my eyes, I pulled him into a hug and listened to his even breathing as he settled down into my arms. When I looked up a few minutes later Paige and Phoebe were gone, and I could hear their voices in the kitchen. Getting to my feet with Wyatt in my arms, I shuffled in after them.

"Piper!" Phoebe said with surprise, running over as I entered. "I thought I told you not to get up," she reprimanded, but I shrugged her off as I walked over to sit on one of the kitchen chairs. Wyatt sat happily on my lap, and I bounced him a little as I looked at my sisters.

"So...Paige...Phoebe..." I said slowly, looking at both of them. "Where do we go from here?" My sisters looked at me for a moment, and then at each other. "We go forward," I then told them while hugging Wyatt close. "We go forward so that this little guy isn't left behind." Phoebe smiled at my comment and had her arms wrapped around me a second later. Paige stood her ground, looking over at us with a smile. Her smile was knowing...and it was confident. I smiled back, not knowing what was ahead, but knowing that she would always be there to help me step forward.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	7. Angel of Light

You Still Have All of Me

Part 7

By: Silverstar

Here it is! I hope you all enjoy. I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but my computer had a virus! It's still giving me problems, but I'll try to get the next (and last) part out before I leave for vacation next week. Thanks for your patience.

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, no matter how much I would like to.

The days went by slowly...but the nights went by even slower. Because of the incident, Doctor Rune and my sisters were hesitant about giving me any more medication...so I went in for therapy three times a week instead. The haven my pills gave me was gone, and now my nights were hell. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Leo...my hopes always soared that he was coming to visit me again...but every dream and fantasy ended in heartbreak and despair as he disappeared into a void and I fell into darkness. It had been a week since I returned from the hospital, and each day was worse as Leo's visit was further and further in the past. My nights were restless, and every dream had me waking up in agony.

One night I awoke around three in the morning to the sounds of Wyatt fussing. Opening my eyes, I saw my tangled sheets and noticed my heavy breathing. My thrashing must have woken him. Getting up and out of bed, I walked over to my son's crib and gently picked him up. A few minutes later he was asleep, and I set him back down in his bed. Wide awake, and with an image of Leo in my head, I knew I wouldn't be getting back to sleep any time soon. So, as I grabbed my robe, I put it on and walked quietly downstairs. Stepping into the kitchen, I jumped at the sight of both of my sisters sitting at the table with cups of tea. They were sitting in silence and sipping their warm tea thoughtfully, and neither said anything at my entrance. Looking over at the kitchen counter, I saw the kettle full of warm water. I slowly walked over, and after taking a cup from the cabinet, made myself some tea. The silence of the dim-lit room was a relief to me, and I sat down with my sisters to drink my tea. As I allowed my thoughts to wander, a very dangerous thing for me, I started thinking about why Phoebe and Paige were up this early. I knew why I was...and my guess was that I was their reason for their lack of sleep. As tired and distracted as I had been these past days, I hadn't noticed any difference in my sisters. Glancing up from my tea, I saw them both looking at me.

"You okay?" I asked, referring to both of them, and they nodded in reply. For a second my mind cleared, and I looked over at them and truly saw their tired eyes. Getting up, I walked over and stood between them. Then, leaning down, I put my arms around their shoulders. "Why are you two up? What's bothering you?" I asked, and they both looked up at me in surprise. "I can see it in your tired eyes," I continued. "Just like you see it in mine everyday."

"Sit down," Phoebe said gently, and I obeyed, sitting across from my sisters. "Piper...for the past weeks, Paige and I have been wracking our brains in search of anything that could help you. What happened the other week..." I looked down at this comment, but Phoebe continued. "...what happened made it even more clear to us that we have to act soon. Piper...we could lose you...and there would be nothing anyone could do to stop it."

"But Phoebe...I wouldn't-"

"Don't say it Piper," Phoebe said softly. "Can you explain what happened the other week?" I slowly shook my head.

"Piper," Paige said slowly, "Your strong and powerful emotions took over, and your control over your actions was lost. Do you think you could have stopped yourself in that moment?" I again slowly shook my head.

"Piper, we have been trying to come up with something to help you. The therapy obviously hasn't been working, because you've become even more restless this past week. We can see it every day."

"Yeah..." I replied, sadness overpowering my features. "I know..."

"Can you tell us what's going on?" Paige asked, and I looked at her. "We need to know what is going on in that head of yours. That way, we may be able to help." I slowly shook my head as I rubbed my temple with my fingers.

"The one thing I can tell you," I replied, looking ay my sisters in hope to help them to help me, "is Leo. He's always here...and..." My eyes misted as I tried to think of the reason for my grief. There weren't any words for it. Phoebe reached over and took my hand in hers, and Paige then put hers on top of ours.

"We think we have a solution," Phoebe said. "We were just worried about what you would think of it." I looked at each of them, and then smiled a little.

"I'll do anything you ask of me," I finally said. "I give up, and if it may help, I'm all ears."

"Come with us," Paige said, and they both pulled me to my feet and led me up to the attic. Upon entering, my sisters led me over to a chair and sat me down. Then, pulling up chairs of their own, they sat down net to me and pulled The Book onto my lap.

"A magical answer?" I asked, and Phoebe nodded as Paige flipped through the pages. Finally, she stopped, and I leaned down to read. "Truth of Mind...?" I said, looking up at Phoebe.

"It will let us go into your mind, see what you feel and think, understand you more, and help you to get through whatever it is that you're going through." I hesitated, thinking about it, and shuddered. Did I really want my sisters in my head? They had been there once before...but that was different.

"How does it work?" I asked.

"We sit in a circle with our hands held," Phoebe began. "As Paige and I chant you'll fall into a deep sleep. After we finish the spell we'll go into trances and be in your mind."

"How will you get out again?" I asked.

"Since we'll be in a meditative trance," Paige said, "our will power will let us out." I looked down at the spell and a chill raced down my back, but then again, what other choice did I have? "We'll let you sleep on it," Paige then said. Nodding, I got to my feet and we went to our respective rooms. It was nearing four thirty, and with no hope of falling back to sleep, I still got into bed and shut my eyes.

I woke with a start and a dark image in my head. I had managed to fall asleep around six, and looking at the clock, I saw that it was now eleven. Pulling on a sweatshirt, I made my way downstairs to my sisters in the kitchen.

"Where's Wyatt?" I asked as I went for the coffee and Paige took it away from me.

"Caffeine's bad for you," she said, "And Phoebe took Wyatt to his play group this morning."

"Oh," I said as I gave Paige a look for taking away my coffee and grabbed a banana on my way to the table. Phoebe and Paige were silent as I ate, and I knew they were thinking about last night. When I finished eating Paige walked over and sat down next to me.

"Have you thought about it?" she asked and I sighed.

"Yeah...Let's do it," I finally said. "But...what if it takes a long time-"

"Darryl and Sheila are picking up Wyatt at five thirty. They'll keep him until we call," Phoebe said, and I nodded.

"Let's go," Paige then said, and I followed my sisters upstairs into the attic. They forced me to sit as Paige set up protective candles and did a spell to protect the attic from any attacks, and as Phoebe set up for the spell. Fifteen minutes later everything was in order. I was ordered to lay down, and I did so as a pillow was shoved under my head and my sisters each sat next to me. We linked our hands, and I took a deep breath as my sisters got situated.

"Don't worry Piper," Phoebe then said. "Just relax. From what I understand, you'll be in a dreamlike state, but won't be able to wake up until both of us are gone from your mind." I nodded, and giving them one last smile, took a deep breath and closed my eyes. The last thing I heard was the start of the spell...

Lights swirled around me for what seemed like hours, until I finally collapsed. Opening my eyes, I looked around me to see nothingness...all was dark. Where...where were my sisters...? Sleep was scary enough for me on an every day basis...but now with the spell...I would go wherever my mind took me. Right now the darkness around me was ominous, and I closed my eyes tight as I was whisked into my subconscious.

A familiar thumping sound woke me again, and as I sat up in the darkness I realized that it was my heart. Darting my eyes quickly to survey my surroundings, I found that I was in the same dark void...and that before me stood that same shadow...A glare of light allowed me to see Leo's handsome features before he was devoured again into the darkness. No...I had to get to him! Standing quickly, I started to run towards my love...but to no avail. He quickly disappeared, and I sunk into a dark hole and began to fall...

When I opened my eyes I saw Leo before me, exactly how he had appeared when I was in the hospital...was it him? No...it was only a memory. I watched, how many so often do in dreams, myself and Leo. Tears came to my eyes, and when I looked over to my right I saw my sisters, staring in shock at the memory. That's right...I had never told them. I wanted to hang onto something of ours that was ours alone and no one else's. But...it hadn't mattered. Every night before I went to sleep I subconsciously thought back to this memory, and the longing and bitter pain came back to me. Gasping for air, I fell to the ground, and as I saw my sisters rush towards me, everything went dark. I didn't want them, and I didn't want to get well. I wanted to be alone and end my misery. As darkness surrounded me so did silence. The quiet calmed me a little, and looking up I saw the memory of that night...the night I overdosed. It had been so easy...so easy...flashes of feelings raced through me as I watched myself take those pills...sadness, frustration, loneliness, anger, and pain. Oh, it had been so effortless. Looking around, I saw that my sisters were no where in sight...and I no longer felt their presence inside of me. Good, they were gone. Wanting to be alone, I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again I was in a dark abyss. Then, closing my eyes again, I waited for the nothingness to take me over and conquer me.

Seconds went by...then minutes...then hours...I didn't know how long I had been in this state, but it was better than living. Thinking back, I realized that before my sisters had performed the spell, I had been so willing to let them help me...but the longer I stayed wrapped up inside of my mind, the more I didn't want help from anyone...the more I wanted to just lay by myself in nothingness.

I don't know how long I laid there before I could feel myself getting weak. With this weakness, the darkness started to swirl under me, and various emotions started to overtake my heart. I had no strength to hold them back, and sorrow and pain flooded within me. There was no going back...I was going to die a slow and painful death inside my own mind. Pieces of my childhood flashed before me: My first day of school, my 5th birthday, my graduation, Phoebe's return from New York, the late night talks with Prue...the first time I kissed Leo, my meditation lesson with Paige...These memories brought tears to my eyes as I remembered my past...especially the painful memories of Prue...and then of Leo. I had lost a lot of people in my life...Mom, Dad, Grams, Prue...I never thought that I would have lost Leo as well. He had always been there...my guardian angel. Closing my eyes again, I thought I was ready...I was ready to leave this plane and join Prue up in the heavens...

Suddenly, a flash of light streaked through the darkness and landed on me. Staring upwards, I saw the bright white and blue light surrounding me, and I felt its warmth. My heart fluttered and my eyes widened as I looked up and saw a figure coming towards me. There He stood, and all I could do was cry. Within seconds I was in His arms, and I sobbed into His shoulder as He rubbed my back.

"I tried Leo...I really did...but I'm not strong enough...my mind is...I don't know. I can't control it's thoughts or my feelings. I'm...I'm so sorry..."

"Hush," Leo said in a gentle voice. "Everything will be alright now. Hush...just come with me, okay?" I nodded obediently as he took my hand, and we floated up into the light...

"Piper...Piper...!" I heard someone calling my name as I opened my tear-filled eyes. Someone was holding me in their arms, and as I squeezed that person tighter in a hug, I realized that it was Leo. His scent was all around me, and his strong arms held me close to him.

"She's alright Phoebe," I heard his distant voice tell my sister. "She'll be fine." I could hear my sisters in the background talking, or crying, or running around in joy, but my mind was solely focused on Leo. How was he here in the real world? How was I here? I didn't understand, and I didn't want to understand. Continuing to sob, I held onto Leo even tighter as my worried sisters gathered around us and Leo hushed my tears. In a sudden movement Leo had lifted me up into his arms and was carrying me somewhere...I soon felt a soft bed under my body, but I held tightly onto Leo. A second later I felt his hand over me, and with his healing touch I fell into a peaceful sleep.

'Uhhh...I'm starving,' I thought, taking a deep breath and opening my eyes. I was lying in my bed alone with the lights off and the window open, letting in a cool breeze. Slowly turning to my side, I looked at the clock on my dresser to see that it was one o'clock...but that didn't help my mind at all. Thoughts swam through my head as I tried to figure out what day it was and what had happened. Was Leo really here...? I didn't understand how...but...My stomach grumbled and my head was pounding. With my concentration broken, I closed my eyes and waited. Upon hearing someone walking slowly past my room, I opened my eyes and hoped. "Leo...?" I called softly and tentatively, but it was enough. Seconds later Phoebe's head was through the door.

"Piper!" she said joyfully, but quietly as well, thank God. I watched as she rushed towards me and threw her arms around me in a hug. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said quietly, leaning back to get a better look at me. "Leo said that you'd be sleeping for a while, but we expected you to wake up hours ago." She had said it...she had said that Leo was here. I hadn't been dreaming it.

"Ph...Phoebe," I said softly, gripping her arm with my hand. "He...He's really here? I wasn't dreaming it?" I asked, locking my eyes with hers in search of an answer. She looked at me for a moment, and then slowly smiled. Taking my hand with hers, she held it up to her lips and then kissed it softly before setting it down.

"Calm down big sister," she said gently. "And yes, he really is here." My eyes widened at these words, and tears swam down my cheeks at the realization. "No, Piper...please don't cry again," I heard Phoebe say as she wiped away my tears. "You've shed enough tears already," she said with sorrow. I shook my head a little as I wiped away the remaining tears and smiled slightly up at my sister.

"S...Sorry...I..."

"Don't," she said gently. "Let's talk later, with everyone." I agreed with my silence as Phoebe continued to look at me and then got up suddenly. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Can I get you anything? And of course, I have to go get everyone else," she said hastily. "Are you cold, are you hot, are you comfortable?"

"Well...I am hungry," I told her. "And I have a headache."

"Of course! I'll bring you some lunch and some aspirin," she said quickly before bounding out of the room. Seconds later her head stuck back through the door. "And Piper?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I smiled as Phoebe's head disappeared from sight again and I was alone once more. The pillows felt soft underneath me, and I closed my eyes as I tried to clear my mind and just focus on that comfort. But, a few seconds later I heard someone else enter the room. Opening my eyes, I found myself looking up at Paige. Feelings of guilt and shame came over me as I met her gaze and then quickly broke the eye contact.

"Piper...look at me," she said gently, and I slowly turned my eyes back towards Paige as she sat nest to me on the edge of my bed. "Piper...it's okay," she then said, and through her eyes I saw nothing except for love.

"Paige...I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough-"

"Shhh," she hushed, shaking her head as she took my hand in hers. "There is nothing to apologize for." I looked up at my littlest sister, and a small smile spread across my face as I sensed her love for me. Seconds later Phoebe rushed in with a tray of food and some aspirin. I took the medicine hurriedly and watched as my sisters sat down on either side of the bed. They must've been worried...but my thoughts didn't go past that because of the rumbling in my stomach. Sighing, I picked up half of the sandwich Phoebe brought me and took a bite. Food never tasted so good.

"I don't know why I'm so hungry," I said to Phoebe after I had finished half of the sandwich. "How long...was I out...?"

"Three days," said a deep voice from the doorway, and I turned my head to see Leo standing there. Thoughts of food dropped out of my mind as I stared at him in shock of actually seeing him. "Once the spell began your mind and subconscious had control. Reasoning and judgment didn't exist. Without them, you pushed Phoebe and Paige out of your head and you were trapped within." I stared at Leo as he walked over to me and placed his hand on my forehead. "Finish eating," he gently demanded, and I picked up the rest of the sandwich and finished it off as he sat down next to Phoebe on my right and continued to talk. "I was watching you as much as I possibly could, but I knew that you wouldn't be able to break out of your own mind trap combined with the magic. Phoebe and Paige had tried everything in their power, both naturally and supernaturally, but couldn't wake you, or get back into your head. Seeing and feeling the urgency of the matter, I came. Using my powers, I was able to push through your magic and subconscious, and I healed you from the inside. Your guard was let down, and you emerged from the mind trap." Leo explained calmly and quickly as I finished my sandwich and Paige took the tray away. I watched as Phoebe quietly followed her, shutting the door behind herself. We were alone. I looked at Leo for a long time, taking in his presence and convincing myself that he was really here.

"Three days...huh?" I said, and he nodded as he moved closer to me and I snuggled into his arms. "Leo...how did it get this bad?" I asked.

"It's your strong will and our love," Leo replied.

"Is that it?" I asked.

"I don't know," he replied. "But...let's not worry about that now." I silently agreed as I hugged Leo closer and looked up into his eyes.

"Leo...Thanks...for saving me," I whispered up at him.

"Do you think that I would have just left you there to die?" he asked, and I looked down, still ashamed of my actions. "Piper...look at me." I obeyed. "I came because I love you...and...I've been trying to live my life without you. I...I can't. The other Elders never gave me permission to come to you, but I did anyway. Actually, they forbade it, but I came nonetheless."

"We broke the rules again," I whispered with a smile, and Leo smiled as well.

"I want to be here to help you work through everything. I know that you harbor not only love for me, but anger as well...and I can handle that."

"Leo...what will They do to you?" I asked, pushing aside his last comment. "What will They do to us?"

"I came to you knowing that these actions would have consequences," Leo replied. "Right now...I don't know what they will be. What I do know is that They won't separate us again. I won't let Them."

"Promise?" I asked.

"Promise," he replied, giving me a kiss on my forehead as I closed my eyes and snuggled closer into his arms.

TO BE CONTINUED...


	8. They Have All of Me

You Still Have All of Me

Part 8

By: Silverstar

Yay! He's Back! tee hee... I hope everyone is as happy as I am. Here it comes: The Last Chapter!

I'm sorry it's a little short, but you know the saying "short and sweet"

Also, I'm soooooooo sorry for the wait. First there was a virus on my computer that kept me from writing, and then my Internet was down...sigh But it's finished now! '

Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed BUT I do own this story! Yay!

There's an old saying that goes something like "with time, comes healing." At least, that's what I've been told all my life. The first time was when Mom died, and then there was when Dad left...then with Grams, and then...then when Prue left us. I kept that saying in mind when Leo left me for the Heavens...but it didn't comfort or reassure me this time around. Maybe I had already been through so much, that I had no strength left in my heart to heal anymore. All I knew was that when Leo left me, no amount of time would be able to heal the hole left in my heart, because no one would be able to replace Leo. Not my sisters...not my son...and not any new guy I might meet along my life's path. Without him I was drowning, and I almost didn't make it back to the surface...but then he came back to me. I saw him like a beacon of hope...and once he returned everything seemed to be all right again...but it wasn't.

I opened my eyes to a bright sun-filled room and the scent of fresh air. Looking over, I saw that the window was open and that it was almost eleven o'clock. It was the third day since I had woken from that dreadful nightmare, and I was alone in my room. I could tell my sisters wanted to talk to me...they wanted me to get out of bed and face the world again...they wanted me to put the past behind me...But my feelings still confused me and the unknown frightened me. I liked my room and my bed...and for the past three days Leo had been there beside me, holding me and talking to me softly, telling me that everything would be all right. Today, he wasn't there, and fear swept back into my heart as I wondered if the Elders had taken him from me again.

Taking a deep breath, I got out of bed and put on my robe. Yawning as I shuffled over to the mirror, I took a good look at myself. I really did look terrible. Is this what my husband came back for? He put his life on the line...and I'm just going to stay in bed and waste away? No...I don't know what will come next...and I am afraid...but we will face it together. Nodding at myself, I turned towards the door and made my way downstairs.

As I rounded the stairs I heard noises coming from the kitchen. Smiling, I turned the corner and saw my baby Wyatt sitting on Leo's lap. Leo was bouncing him gently as Wyatt laughed and threw his hands in the air. I stood there for a moment, memorized by the sweetness and gentleness of my husband. A second later Wyatt looked over and saw me standing there. It didn't seem possible, but his mouth opened even wider in a smile.

"Ma Ma!" I shouted, holding his arms out towards me, and with that, Leo looked over and saw me. I noticed that he was just as exhausted as I was, but just as happy too. Smiling, I walked over and picked my baby boy up into my arms. He wrapped his little arms around my neck and I held him as tightly as I could.

"Oh, I missed you big boy," I said to him. "I missed you Wyatt, did you miss me?" Wyatt just giggled in reply as Leo wrapped his arms around the both of us and I leant into his embrace. A few minutes later Wyatt started to fuss, and I reluctantly broke away from Leo to put him down in his playpen. Once there, he sat down in contentment, and stared up at us as he sucked on one of his toy animals. "He's really missed you," I told Leo as I took the baby monitor and we walked back into the kitchen.

"He's missed you too," Leo said, making me stop and think about all the times I was too busy with myself and my feelings to care for Wyatt.

"Yeah..." I said softly as Leo poured us tea. "But...things will be different from now on." Leo smiled over at me, making me melt where I stood, and I smiled, wondering how he could still do that to me.

"Well, Phoebe went into work today and Paige is down at the club helping to set up for tonight's band," Leo said as he handed me my tea and we walked into the living room to sit down on the couch and drink it.

"Oh no, the club!" I said, looking up in panic, but Leo calmed me with a look and a squeeze of my free hand.

"Don't worry, Paige is taking care of it, and she's doing a fine job."

"Oh...well, that's good," I said, sitting back into the couch as he spoke and letting him wrap his arm around my shoulder. "So...I guess we have to talk," I finally said, and Leo nodded.

"Piper...I do want to stay with you...if you'll have me."

"Of course!" I said immediately. "You're what I have wanted all along. But..."

"You're afraid of what the Elders will do," Leo said, and I nodded. "Well then, fear not, because They summoned me to Them last night." I looked up at him with surprise, and he nodded. "Because of my actions...because I care for you more than my job, and because my family will always come first to me, I will no longer be an Elder."

"Are you glad?" I asked timidly, and he smiled.

"At first, I thought I'd be able to do a lot of good as an Elder. It really was an honor to become one...but over time, I found that all I could think of was you and Wyatt. I missed you two and your sisters, and I wasn't able to concentrate on my work as much as I should have. I then realized that I had more power when I was in this house...when the five of us were a family. I had something close to my heart to protect. It was hard trying to feel that way about all of the people in the world, when I had already experienced it in this house." I nodded in understanding and snuggled closer into Leo's arm as I took a sip of tea. "Anyway, I agreed that stepping down from the position was for the best. Still, the other Elders couldn't look past all the good I've done and my part in saving Them from the Titans. They know that I might be valuable in the future, so I will be going back to being a Whitelighter." I smiled at his announcement, and jumped up to my feet.

"That's great Leo! You won't be losing your wings, and they aren't going to make you leave?"

"Nope," he said, as he stood up and I jumped into his arms.

"Can we try to make things go back to normal...or, at least as normal as possible considering that I'm a witch... and you're already dead...?" He smiled at my remark and kissed the top of my head.

"You can count on it," he whispered.

"Then I want to start right. I'm making everyone dinner tonight, and we're going to have a family meal." Leo just laughed as I ran into the kitchen and started pulling out recipes. Ten minutes later I had sent him out to the store (with Wyatt) for ingredients and I was in the shower, getting ready for tonight.

By the time I got downstairs Leo had been in to drop off the ingredients, and he was gone again. I didn't know where he had gone off to, but the note said that he and Wyatt would be back soon, so I didn't worry. It was already three thirty and I had to get started! I quickly got the chicken ready and in the oven, seasoned and all. Then I started on the sauce for the pasta. Just as it began to simmer I heard the front door open. Seconds later, Phoebe walked into the kitchen. I saw a look of surprise in her eyes upon seeing me, but that lasted only a second before a smile broke out on her face and she came rushing towards me for a hug. Dropping my sauce spoon onto the counter, I stepped forward as Phoebe leapt towards me. We both wrapped our arms around each other at the same moment, and I then realized how much I had been missing her. We stood hugging each other for a long time, and only the sound of my sauce sputtering over broke us apart. I quickly removed it from the stove and turned the heat down to Low. I then looked over at Phoebe and smiled.

"You're back...?" Phoebe said as I saw her eyes misting over with tears.

"Yeah...and I'm really sorry for..." I trailed off, not really knowing how to apologize, but Phoebe stepped forward and put her hand on my shoulder.

"No...it's all right...as long as you're back," she said softly, and I slowly nodded. With that Phoebe smiled, gave me another big hug, and then turned towards the refrigerator to prepare a salad. I then put the sauce on the Low burner and went to set the table. Around five I heard the door open again, and when I returned to the kitchen I saw Paige standing there with Phoebe. She seemed to look me over before smiling, and then walked over to give me a hug.

"Welcome home," Paige whispered in my ear, and I smiled. No words were needed as I got the chicken out of the oven, Paige started the pasta, and Phoebe took salad and rolls out to the table. As the pasta finished cooking and I mixed it together with the sauce, I heard the front door opening again. In walked Leo, little Wyatt being carried in one arm, and a bag being held in another.

"What's that?" Paige asked with curiosity, and Leo smiled. After handing Wyatt to me he set the bag on the table and then pulled out a tub of rocky road ice cream, a container of chocolate covered strawberries, and a small chocolate cake with 'Welcome Home' written on it. I smiled over at Leo as Phoebe entered the kitchen. Upon seeing the strawberries, she pounced towards them, and rushed out of the room with her prize, Paige close at her heels. I laughed along with Leo as Paige chased Phoebe through the house and eventually back into the kitchen. Phoebe was hiding behind Wyatt and me as Paige complained about how Phoebe should share. I looked at both of them and then laughed.

"You know Phoebe's just fooling with you," I told Paige as I handed Wyatt back to Leo and carried the remainder of the food to the table. Phoebe smiled as Paige stuck her tongue out at her and then put the ice cream in the freezer. Seconds later Leo came over to the table with Wyatt and placed him in his highchair. Phoebe and Paige came in with drinks, and I noticed that the strawberries had been placed safely in the fridge.

"Thanks so much Piper," Paige said as we passed our plates around the table and I just smiled.

"No...I should really be thanking you guys," I told her, and she shook her head.

"We're a family. We stick together no matter what. No matter how bad things get, we'll be here for each other. That's what you guys have taught me, and that's what I live by," she replied.

"Yeah...you're right," I said as I looked over at Leo.

"Don't worry about anything Piper," Phoebe said to me as we began to eat. "Things may not be normal at the moment, but with time...we'll get back into the swing of things. I promise you that."

"And I believe you," I replied.

The rest of the night went by so quickly, but so slowly at the same time...like slow motion. I sat back and saw everything. I watched as Wyatt pounded his roll on the table and Leo tried to tell him to stop. I listened to Paige's report of the club and laughed at Phoebe's stories from work. I gladly sat back as Leo offered to do the dishes, and then laughed as Phoebe whispered to me how whipped he was. I smiled as Wyatt ate his cake and ice cream, and rolled my eyes as my sisters fought over the last of the chocolate covered strawberries. Phoebe was right...Everything would go back to normal with time. And until then, I still had my family...and I still had my husband. He not only had all of me...but they had all of me as well. My life belonged to all of them, and I would never forget it.

THE END


End file.
